A Review of Three Dorothy Whipple Books

The COVID pandemic hit just after I had started pursuing some interests on my empty-nester list such as gardening and reading. To find books that would interest me, I looked on the Goodreads app at books that HAD interested me in the past to see what similar books would be recommended.  One of those books was Understood Betsy by Dorothy Canfield Fisher. I discovered it when my children were small and liked it so much that I read it to one of their elementary classes. The app said that people who enjoyed this book also enjoyed books by Dorothy Whipple, and when I clicked on those, I discovered Whipple’s cult following. The reviews convinced me that Whipple was my cup of tea, and indeed they were correct.

I didn’t find her books in my local library but they were on Amazon. Upon further investigation, I saw that they are published in the UK by a publisher called Persephone Books. Persephone’s website is full of information about their books and their store which recently relocated to Bath and looks so quaintly English. This publishing company has set out to elevate the esteem of women writers by publishing their undervalued and out of print novels, short stories, diaries, memoirs, and cookbooks, mostly of the early- to mid-twentieth century. The website is well organized and, besides paperback books, also offers e-books, audiobooks, a few book-related products, and sign-ups to receive free magazines and newsletters. Of course, I can’t condone every theme in the books, but there are many great reads from this publisher.

After succumbing to the rave reviews, I decided that I needed Dorothy Whipple’s They Were Sisters so I ordered it directly from the publisher. The book seemed quite expensive at £13 which is $18 plus a one-way ticket across the pond, bringing it to around $23 for a paperback. Once it made the two-week journey, I gave it very little time to recover from jet lag before diving in. The next few days are a blur as I sneaked (because “snuck” isn’t a word) moments to read a few pages. The book became my guilty pleasure and, though it went on for 455 pages, it was over way too soon.

I needed more. To the website I went to search for my next alternate universe, and it brought me good tidings of great joy to discover that Persephone have (and this is the verb tense the Brits use for a company—have, not has) a box set of Dorothy Whipple books, eleven in all! It did include They Were Sisters so now I have an unmarked duplicate to give as a gift. I don’t currently see the complete set on offer but there is a set of six of her books which includes the three I write of in this post. I obviously highly recommend them! To order the complete set required an email because it wasn’t on the list for online ordering (must have been for only a limited time) which later resulted in a phone call from a lady at the publishing company because she didn’t trust email for sending my credit card information.  As much as this introvert hates talking on the phone, I was delighted to chat with a lady with such a lovely British accent. I wonder if my Britophilia is my ancestry calling to me.

Most of Persephone’s books are in a gray (or grey if you’re British) dust jacket and each has its own unique endpaper with a matching bookmark which is a reproduction of a print or pattern from the year of the book’s original printing. Some books which have reached classic status have special collectible dust jackets. My stack of unread gray books is a reminder of an awaiting relaxing indulgence that I am forcing myself to resist.  I must pace myself lest I gobble them up too quickly and then am never able to read them for the first time again. Though I know there are other excellent writers to explore at Persephone, I think I probably started with the very best.

They Were Sisters

By Dorothy Whipple

First published 1943

455 pages

Lucy is the eldest of her sisters, Vera and Charlotte, and becomes the unspoken female authority in the household after their mother’s death. Whipple describes the relationship by saying, “They kept things from her and deceived her as if she were a parent. They made her weep into her pillow at night, because she loved them with all her heart. They were her responsibility, her anxiety and her happiness.” [page 8] The book made quick work of introducing the sisters and having them leave home, and Lucy “was like one who has a piece of work on which she has been long engaged taken suddenly out of her hands…” [page 24] You can easily see how this struck a chord with me as my babies were leaving home. Although Lucy helplessly watches her sisters destroy their lives, she realizes that at least she did something for them they were unable to do for themselves. (I’m trying hard not to spoil the sweet ending for you.)

They Were Sisters endpaper

Dorothy Whipple has a way of writing about nothing terribly exciting while keeping your interest and bringing you in to a familiar scenario. You recognize the characters because you know a version of them. You can see both the fatal flaws and the gifted uniqueness of people which leaves you pitying and admiring them simultaneously. The vocabulary used paints the picture of the early 1900’s. I had visions of when the old things in my grandparents’ houses were new. 

High Wages

By Dorothy Whipple

First published 1930

316 pages

Jane is a shop girl in a dress shop, sharing a meager apartment above the shop with a coworker. Through hard work and seized opportunities, we satisfyingly watch her go from rags to riches in a nearly miraculous way during an era when this was not the norm for women. Her climb to success is intriguing but a moral fall is ahead which she lives to regret and rectify. The tidbits on the genteel culture and fashion of the day were particularly of interest to me.

You know how sports fans are brought out of their armchairs and go into animated celebrations of victory at a great football play? Well, my equivalent to that (maybe not quite so animated) is when Dorothy Whipple serves it up COLD! You’re reading along and then page 74 hits you with a double whammy:

1. Jane is nervous when a wealthy socialite and her spoilt (British spelling as opposed to our American “spoiled”) daughter enter the shop where a proper tea is laid for them. “They might offer her a cup of tea…Sometimes she seemed to make a loud noise when she swallowed. She prayed that she wouldn’t do that to-day. Her prayer was answered. They did not offer her any tea to swallow.” If I were my youngest son, I would have flown out the front door and taken a lap around the driveway screaming “Ohhhhhhhh!” on that one.

2. And this was said of Jane’s enviable character: “The more you trod on Jane, the more she wasn’t squashed.” Boom.

High Wages endpaper

Dorothy Whipple can paint a clear picture in your mind with very few words. I shook my head in wonderment when I read, “‘Well, it beats me,’ she said at last, looking at Jane over the spectacles she wasn’t wearing.” [page 167] Again with the “wasn’t.” WHO THINKS TO PUT IT THAT WAY?!  NOBODY, except Dorothy Whipple.

The Priory 

By Dorothy Whipple

First published 1939

536 pages

Major Marwood and his family live in a former priory, a monastery or nunnery run by a prior, which was built in the thirteenth century for the service of God and the poor. The Major lives for the time of year that he hosts a cricket tournament even though he is too poor to maintain the estate and his family properly, but also never makes an effort to improve his situation. He gradually has to let employees go and puts the Priory up for sale. The book tells of the romantic relationships of the staff and of the Major’s two grown daughters, Penelope and Christine, who have been spoiled and sheltered all of their lives (“No one said them nay.” [page 280]) and have no marketable skills.  The later part of the book details Christine’s journey into marriage and the heartbreak she suffers.  She goes through a difficult time, living a life that was completely unexpected and trying. The story ends happily with a satisfying outcome concerning what she thought was lost forever.

Here are a few of the excellent themes in this book:

▪️Recognize when something is doomed; it will only get worse and you will eventually have to deal with it. 

▪️Happy endings require humility, hard work, and forgiveness.

▪️Foolishness causes a lot of pain that cannot be undone.

▪️We are eternally endeared to those who help us when we cannot help ourselves.

The Priory endpaper

Whipple’s phraseology intrigues and entertains me. Some may be common cliches of her day, but most are just her way of putting things.  Here are a few Whipple-isms she whipped out:

▪️“The gilt began to come off the gingerbread.” [page 244] The reality of married life set in.

▪️“Rising like a full-breasted swan from the lake of mahogany…” [page 247] This was the preface of someone proudly stating his opinion.

▪️“He mounted his highest horse before speaking.” [page 259] Can’t you hear him clearing his throat first?

▪️“Yesterday’s sun had not reappeared.” [page 363]  I would have said “It was a gloomy day.” or “The sky was gray.” but she made it sound so much more bleak by stating what didn’t happen.

Dorothy Whipple’s books are not Christian literature but I noticed that they always portray sin in a negative light. She has characters use curse words occasionally to show what type of person they are. I am sure she could have gotten that point across another way seeing what a good writer she was. The illicit parts in the stories were never gratuitous but merely implied. I was surprised at the many Biblical references made in the books and Chapter 21 of They Were Sisters is practically a sermon with an altar call. I am sure the books could be used to promote many different views, but I thoroughly enjoyed the ways they voiced my feelings as a woman, mother, and human being.

The Perfect Anniversary Gift

I am a firm believer in celebrating marriage. As a picture of Christ and the church, the Devil wages war on marriage. I believe it is the most challenging school of growth you could attend which makes the good times so very sweet.

Our 30th Anniversary cake, Stonehurst Place, Atlanta, June 2020

Last year was a big one for us: thirty years married!  It however happened to be during the COVID pandemic and all of our children were living with us temporarily. We went to Atlanta for two nights instead of celebrating in some grander way.  It was tough to find time or money to do such things while rearing a family so two nights felt like quite a treat.  However, this year our thirty-first anniversary was our first as empty nesters and I rather like the tradition we set last year of going away for our anniversary so I hereby declare that the standard has been raised!  Leaving an empty house that we have all to ourselves and paying for a small hotel room seems crazy but the change of pace and scenery is refreshing. It’s a big deal to still have each other after another year of marriage so a big deal should be made.

Our anniversary this year was on a Wednesday so we enjoyed a lovely lunch at the Gourmet Shop, a small cafe joined to a gourmet kitchen store.  We then paid a visit to our jeweler Bill at Unforgettable Jewelry. In March of last year, I painfully managed to get my wedding rings off with a thin piece of ribbon. I had been wearing them for years non-stop since my finger’s growth over the years had made them difficult to remove. Once I became unable to remove them, I knew something drastic would have to take place to get them off. I have missed being able to wear them this past year and this anniversary seemed like the appropriate time to have them sized. So we left them with Bill along with the sapphire ring my boyfriend-now-husband gave me in the twelfth grade and a couple of other pieces to be repaired. It turns out that my wedding rings had to be sized up a whole size! It’s hard to remember wearing a 4 3/4 but then again the rest of me has sized up more than one size since then. 

My 4 3/4 size ring and my 5 3/4 size finger. Ouch!

Friday morning we left for Charlotte and went straight to Smithfield’s Chicken ’N Bar-B-Q for lunch. After enjoying their show tunes and friendly service, we headed to Charlotte Premium Outlets nearby to divide and conquer.  I made purchases at Saks Fifth Avenue Off 5th, Loft, Ann Taylor, and Talbots.  Those are my go-tos and I don’t bother entering other stores at this outlet. Next we checked into the Ballantyne Hotel (click here for the post I wrote on this in 2016) and had a rest before heading to a late dinner at Viva Chicken for Peruvian rotisserie chicken and delicious sides.

Saturday morning, we slept surprisingly late and had brunch in the hotel’s Gallery Restaurant at lunchtime. Then we relaxed in the room and by the pool for the afternoon before our fancy anniversary dinner in the hotel’s restaurant. Everything was superb and it ended with a surprise anniversary dessert to share which was just right in every way.

We returned for breakfast Sunday morning and were served excellently again by the same staff from both previous meals.  The workforce shortage post-COVID was evident but the staff could not have been more upbeat and attentive.

We went back to our room to watch our own church’s service online and then we checked out to head to the Sistene Chapel Exhibition which is touring the country. A rented warehouse was full of close-ups of the thirty-four frescoes of Michelangelo’s Sistene Chapel with a short write-up on each along with a chart of it’s location on the famed ceiling. The awe-inspiring experience of the real thing may have been lacking but it was neat to see the detail up close. It was a peaceful, slow-paced way to end our trip.

Or at least I thought the trip was over. I had spotted the Charlotte Flower Market on the way to the exhibition and looked it up, in doubt that it was something I could visit without a business license. However, after investigation and my husband’s insistence, we went and found it open to the public.  I actually held back tears as I entered the flower cooler with access to every flower they sold. A rather dashing chap carried the bucket as I filled it with one beautiful stem after another.  I could hardly think of what I wanted for being amazed at this happy development. I went home with a smile and a bucket full of arranging fun for the next day. What a perfect way to end a wonderful celebration of God’s goodness to us!

Well, that was the trip and every part of it was so nice, but I haven’t told you yet of the best moment.  It’s a moment that I will Be Keeping in my heart. The night of our fancy anniversary dinner, Jeff was ready before I was so he left me to finish getting ready while he went to the car for his jacket and would then wait in the lobby for me to come down for dinner. I enjoyed my time of primping for my special date and took the elevator down to find Mr. Handsome sitting on a couch in the lobby. What I wouldn’t give to have a video of his response! Remember that he saw me 30 minutes earlier and has worked from home for the past 16 months and has been married to me for 31 years and dated me 11 years before that. When I walked my 53-year-old self into the lobby of that hotel, Jeff stood up, his face turned red, he smiled like a school boy and GOT EMOTIONAL! He walked to me and hugged me and kissed me and whispered, “You’re so pretty.” He took my hand and walked me toward the hotel restaurant but with his head down saying nothing but a few sniffs. It was the kind of response I could have only hoped for at his first look at me in my wedding gown.

It’s a miracle that I am telling you this, and I know I will regret being so transparent just after publishing it. If you only knew how I feel about myself. If you only knew how difficult it is for our opposite personalities to get along. If you only knew how low I felt the night before, after trying clothes on this foreign body of mine and looking at my reality in the dressing room mirrors in bad lighting all day.  There’s a grieving process a woman goes through as she watches her youth die. I am great at beating myself up and I like to use one failure as a diving board to plunge into an inner tongue-lashing of ALL my failures. But Jeff sees me differently, and I can believe his loving response was sincere because I know him well and he is not a liar. I truly do not care what anybody else on earth thinks of how I look, but what Jeff thinks of me means everything. Nothing he could have bought me would have been a more perfect keepsake from the weekend than his sweet response was.

I don’t write this to promote myself or to gross out my children. The reason this is worth sharing is because it was such a perfect illustration of what the Lord has been trying to teach me. The more I learn about God and His holiness, the more ashamed I am of my sin and my very nature. I can quote the verses about how much He treasures me—the one He gave His life for, provides for, protects, sustains, communes with, takes pleasure in— and I have sung “Jesus Loves Me” my whole life, but I feel like I am a disappointment to Him. That’s because I don’t fully grasp that God sees His Son when He sees me. His grace is so much greater than my sin that He smiles at me and enjoys my company.  He likes my personality—He created it—and I am the only creature like me. Even though He knows me inside and out and all of my history and my every thought and failure, He delights in me, and I must choose to believe it because He is not a liar. He tells me all of this in His word and I have to purposely choose to believe it instead of believing that He is as disappointed in me as I am.

Toward the end of our anniversary weekend, I told Jeff to “say something anniversary.” He came right back with “You still thrill me.” Knowing myself, that’s hard to believe, but he is very convincing and I blush to enjoy his delight in me. 

_The Education Of A Gardener_

My goal to read a book a month in 2020 and my newfound interest in gardening collided in my discovery of The Education of A Gardener by Russell Page (1906-1985). I read an accomplished landscape architect’s tribute to this book on Instagram which included a photo of his copy with its tattered edges. He credited it as one of his earliest inspirations and educators on the subject of gardening. The book was written by a master in the field of gardening and is used as a textbook (complete with an index) in landscape architecture classes so it seemed a good place for me to begin my study. I knew it might take me to lofty places of which I would never need to know, but it also would give me a good foundational acquaintance with the necessary terms I would soon encounter.

After reading two prefaces, a foreword, and a twenty-eight-page introduction, I feared this might not be that thrilling of a read as there was much detail given of the author’s projects which led up to the writing of the book. I suppose so much prologue is necessary in a legendary work whose followers beg for details of its genesis. However, when I crossed into Chapter One the reading became even slower, not because of lack of interest or difficulty in understanding, but because of the time it took me to go back and underline all the remarkable lines I now read. I basically read those passages twice. It was evident that Mr. Page had fully been taught by the garden and he was well able to articulate his knowledge. I started to wonder how he could keep up this pace of imparting wisdom for three hundred more pages.

“I have to keep three dimensions always in my mind and indeed the gardener ’s fourth—growth in time. ”

— Russell Page, p.68

The author’s main point is to instruct garden designers to keep in mind the goals of suitability, simplicity, unity, and relaxation. He knew well how to do complicated designs but they did not accomplish the purpose of a garden. The beauty was achieved when the choices were fitting for the area and the owner. This exercises a mastery of knowledge used for the ultimate enjoyment of a garden.

“I have always tried to shape gardens each as a harmony, linking people to nature, house to landscape, the plant to its soil.”

— Russell Page, p.13

With the reading of this book, I have adopted the practice of circling a word I don’t know, looking it up, and writing beside it the shortest definition possible, sometimes drawing a sketch.  This will help me to review and further cement the word in my mind when I flip back through and read the things I’ve marked. 

Here are some of the words I met in this book:

faience—glazed ceramic ware

cloyingly—distastefully excessive

apposite—apt

insuperable—impossible to overcome

corymbs—long outer stems

propinquity—proximity

racemes—flower stalks along a central stem

pall—to lose strength or attraction

parapet—short protective wall

coppice—trees trained to branch from the stump creating a wall

sward—area of grass

palimpsest—each style overlaid by its successor

quinquennial—every 5 years

welter—a confused mass

copse—small group of trees

becks—mountain streams

I noticed the European spelling of some words such as centre, colour, and meagre and that what we call a lupine in North America is a lupin in Europe and Australia. I got familiar with some of the nomenclature used for plants such as calling a Japanese maple an acer and calling foxgloves digitalis. 

“…The most striking and satisfying visual pleasure comes from the repetition or the massing of one simple element.”

— Russell Page, p. 147

One thing this book imparted to me is an appreciation of trees.  I have known of quite a few types of trees in the past but for the most part I would say that trees have just been background to me.  Now, just riding down the street as a passenger I find it so interesting to look at the trees—which kinds and when they are at their peaks and how big they get and their interesting leaves and bark and shape and how they are pruned and when they bloom. I can appreciate better the years it takes to grow a full-grown tree and all the things that had to go well for that to happen. Trees provide boundaries, structure, beauty, and shade to our gardens. I can identify so many more trees now than I could before I read this book, partly because I finally put names to trees that I have seen for years but not known what to call them.  To know is to enjoy.

“…Trees will be the raw materials with which you will construct a landscape or a garden…You must learn to know them from as many aspects as you can. ”

— Russell Page, p. 173

In the second half of the book, Page talked about making gardens in different areas of the world.  He mentioned festivals in which he participated which took a year of work and duly noted how some huge bets didn’t pay off and left him scrambling and begging off of friends to prevent a public disaster, like finding in February that thousands of tulip bulbs planted for a spring show had rotted. THERE’S a lesson that we all can use, in the garden and everywhere else. 

“If you wish to make anything grow, you must understand it.”

— Russell Page, p. 47

But I discovered probably the most useful part of the book in the final chapter and no doubt the other chapters prepared me for it. The whole book was about Russell Page’s work in other people’s gardens, but the final chapter laid out his plan if he were to plan a garden of his own, which he never did. To get the final word on what he had gleaned from all of his many experiences was pure gold.  He knew the expense and upkeep of complicated garden designs.  He saw all the work and money that went into creating WOW gardens whose owners rarely even entered them. His final word on gardening was that it should create a quiet harmony. In planning his own garden, he would avoid dramatic strokes of attention-getting colors like red, orange, and fuchsia and use pale colors instead. Quiet harmony. Ironically, I come away from this book shouting in my head “QUIET HARMONY.” Yes, I agree.  We need quiet and we need harmony and we need to find it at home. What a beautiful and worthy gift our gardens have the power to give us.

“…If this intermittent vision becomes a reality…it will be satisfying for like all gardens it will be a world for itself and for me.”

— Russell Page, p. 363

Perhaps you can glean the benefits of this book from just reading my review, but if you want to read it for yourself, I would suggest reading chapters 1-7 and 13. That cuts out one hundred twenty-five pages that mostly list which plants he used in different scenarios, many of which I could not picture: great information for a career landscape designer but TMI for the rest of us. Still I can say that I am glad I read this book and hope that the principles I learned from it will be evident in the creation of my future gardens and in my appreciation of the plant world.

“A garden really lives only insofar as it is an expression of faith, the embodiment of a hope and a song of praise.”

— Russell Page, p. 359

I Need Church

I need church.

Granted, I’m a preacher’s kid and have been in church three times a week most of my life. It’s a rhythm that I know and anything else feels strange. In childhood, I lived next door in the parsonage and rode my bike to see the church secretary (aka Momma).  I know how to mimeograph the church bulletin and fold it perfectly. Church is my second skin but I don’t go just because I’m used to going there.

I need church.

Sure, as a stay-at-home mom, church gives me somewhere to go, to tell one day from another.  It gives me a reason to get dressed up and leave the house periodically. It’s nice to go somewhere and wear something other than the Mom hat, but I don’t just love it for a change of pace.

I need church.

Where else could you go where most of the people there, church employees and congregants, are purposely and cheerfully reaching out to you without trying to sell you something? I have found no other place where good will is more evident. This has been true of our former churches, our present church, and all the churches we have visited in other states and countries. Blest be the tie that binds our hearts in Christian love. It is miraculous to experience that kinship with Christians I have never met before and, in some cases, who do not even speak the same language I do. This human connection lifts my spirits like nothing I have found in any other place. There is no substitute for the sense of belonging that comes from uniting with like-minded people to worship and learn more of God.

I need church.

Personally, church brings together some of my favorite things:  worship, music, flowers, family. These have been life themes for me.  All of these gifts come from God and He is highly exalted when we experience their combined impact. It is almost too wonderful! I can honestly say that the few hours I spend at church are my favorite moments of the week.

I need church.

You know, tradition gets a bad rap but tradition is the stuff that connects generations.  Any tradition that brings pain or trouble should be reconsidered and would most likely fade out over time with good reason, but the tradition of going to church would be a good one to keep around.  I could do a lot worse for my children than to take them to a place that cares for them and provides  learning and support for every phase of life. If I am choosing worthwhile traditions, I know one that I’m going to keep.

View fullsize

I need church.

When it’s my turn to face life’s hardships and life’s happy milestones, it’s my church that’s at the door, on the phone, and in my mailbox and messages. The church cries the happy and the sad tears along with me whether it’s my engagement, wedding, pregnancy, illness, loss, or anything in between. You couldn’t hire a team to provide this kind of support.

I need church.

But it’s not just what I get from church; it is a great place to give. There are always worthwhile projects to give to financially and plenty of places that even the most meager ability can be used. The church is a living thing that can use my gifts and in turn gives back to me continuously. Contributing what I have makes it mine and gives me a deeper connection with what is being accomplished there. My Daddy always said, “You can’t outgive God.”

I need church.

Major life events tend to happen at church. I was saved and married in church—my two most life-changing experiences. Every time I attend a wedding, I remember taking those vows myself and am inspired to live them out more fully. Funerals remind me of the imminence of death, which somehow keeps shocking me. We are brought back to reality in church and reminded of what is truly important.

I need church.

Church is a great place to celebrate the seasons and holidays (holy days). What is it about those special days that remind us of church? Our lives change constantly and we invite new things into them, but going to church brings us back to what stays constant: the truth. 

Any of the reasons listed above is a good enough reason to go to church, but ultimately we need church because we need God. No, He doesn’t live in a building, but there’s something about setting aside a regular time to recognize Him as our hope and the source of everything we need in this life and the next, and to do it in a place dedicated to that purpose with others who are there for the same purpose (the true church).

I have all of the reasons above to go to church every Sunday if I possibly can. My week takes me on a roller coaster ride of doubts and lies and discouragement. I know myself well enough to know what I truly need: I need calibrating; I need to be reminded of who I am and who God is.

I need church.

For the Love of Flowers

My love affair with flowers has been a constant vine through my life. Ever since I was a little girl, whether I was choosing a notebook, a dress, a wallpaper, or a china pattern, I wanted the one with flowers on it.  

I can’t get over their beauty.  You can put one flower in a vase and it’s beautiful.  You can put a bunch of the same flower in a vase—beautiful.  Put flowers together that are as opposite from each other as they could possibly be—beautiful.  Simple flowers, complex flowers, grocery store flowers, flowers shipped from faraway countries—they are all beautiful.  I can’t get over them and I never will.

I can study a flower or a flower arrangement the same way I have learned to study a piece of art.  Look at the details.  The color fades perfectly from intense saturation to white. See how putting greenery next to it brings out the color?  What an unusual shape! It’s just sitting there being beautiful and that is reason enough for its existence.  It will be beautiful if I’m having a good day or a bad day.  It makes my home a lovely place to be, instantly elevating a lifeless room to a LIVING room.

“But flowers cost money and then they die.  What a waste!”

My husband has always been one to do things big.  Many years ago, he would order an arrangement for our anniversary that cost $75 or more.  They were beautiful, but, at the same time, a pity that they lasted such a short time and too costly to buy them more often.  Then grocery stores started carrying bouquets for $25 and under.  I convinced my husband that I would rather have a $5 grocery store bouquet every month than a $75 arrangement once a year.  He agreed and has been spotted walking in the door with flowers in hand on many occasions since.  I think he enjoys having them around the house as much as I do.  We are both enjoying my 30th anniversary gift of a monthly bouquet subscription.  It was a great idea of his to make the celebration last all year.

I have long wanted a cutting garden. To arrange flowers for my home is a great joy, but to grow my own flowers to arrange—THAT’s next level.  If I love them at maturity, how much more would I love them if I watched them GROW to maturity?! I am just starting to learn about growing flowers, but if I fail and decide it is not for me, I will just buy flowers from people who know how to grow them.  I don’t think money is wasted on flowers.  The fact that they are beautiful for such a short time emphasizes the fact that enjoying today is worth the expense.  For a girl who is constantly planning for the future, it is a great exercise for me to stop and smell the roses today.  It reminds me that there is beauty in this day, not just a day I am looking forward to down the road. Today used to be the day I looked forward to. The grass withers and the flowers fall, and this day will die and fade away, too.  I want to enjoy it by having joy in it and marvel at what is marvelous. 

These zinnias are the first flowers I grew.

I grew the hydrangea, foxglove, zinnia, nepeta, and forget-me-nots.

When I look at a flower arrangement or a painting—I mean stop and really look at it—my thoughts quickly turn to the artist that created it.  What skill is exhibited in bringing the elements together to express thoughts and emotions without a word! The creation is the expression of the creator and is only a sample of how complex and fascinating its creator is.

My children have also gifted me with flowers. What could be more lovely?!

Other than my loved ones’ faces, I can’t think of anything more beautiful to me than flowers.  I want them in my life every day. No doubt there will be some at my funeral. We can think of no more beautiful thing for honoring a loved one and recognizing the transition from earth to heaven than with flowers, a fascinating living thing that grew for a time, did its part, and returned to dust. 

 I think flowers are love notes from God—little glimpses of the beauty of His presence.

~ Yes, flowers must be the stuff of heaven. ~

Books I Read in 2020

Reading for pleasure has been a desire of mine for years and now I finally have time to do so. I have managed to read a book here and there while rearing children but I now want to make reading a daily part of my life.  Since I have a habit of planning out a course of action so that things aren’t done haphazardly, I thought that reading a book per month would be a good starting goal: challenging, yet doable and with a time limit. I set out to do that in 2020 and was very pleased to read over 3,000 pages. I believe I have now made reading for pleasure a habit and hope to read many more pages than that each year from this point.

A self-imposed reading program is a great way to keep your mind active and learning. I would much rather be engrossed in a book  than to watch a movie; page time beats screen time. I do need to read things occasionally outside of my comfort zone to see things from other points of view, but I am talking here about things I read for pleasure.  I enjoy few things but enjoy them fully well.

📚Fiction—This is pleasure reading, especially with a book you can’t put down. It’s fun to step into someone else’s experience and know their thoughts and feelings. You can be transported to times and places you have never known. 

For whatever reason, I tend to prefer fiction set in the late nineteenth to early twentieth century. Perhaps it’s because it’s the century before I was born. It gives me a better understanding of what led up to my era. It’s easy for me to picture life lived with my grandparents’ housewares and gives context to old family pictures and the traditions I was taught. It brings into focus the vague memories of my earliest days. I am also drawn to the fashion and gentility of that time. 

Genres I am not drawn to are mysteries, crime, horror, thriller, suspense, action, fantasy, and sci-fi. It seems impossible to avoid it completely, but I stay away from pervasive foul language and vulgarity. There are ways to indicate that a sin was committed without describing it gratuitously. I am squeamish so I’m not up for detailed descriptions of gore either. That’s not how I want to relax.

I’m sure there was much lost on me at the age at which I read classics for school, not to mention forgotten since then. There is such a long list of enduring novels that I will never run this genre dry.

📚Non-fiction

     ▪️Biography—These are usually fascinating with many lessons to learn from others’ lives and a better understanding of the historical period in which they lived.

     ▪️Christian— This includes devotional, commentary, self-help, and theology.

     ▪️Homemaking—Since this is my life’s work, I should be learning more about it perpetually. It also includes interests of mine (funny how that works) such as marriage, parenting, organization, cooking, decorating, celebrations, gardening, and flower arranging, all of which will be future blog post topics.

We have access to books by buying them from bookstores and the internet or borrowing them from family, friends, and libraries. I am blessed to belong to a church that promotes and accommodates the reading of good books.  My church Circle (ladies’ small group that meets monthly) works through a Bible study book each year, and the Women of the Church meet weekly in the summer to discuss a book. There are also books for sale at various places on our church campus and we have a church library. Books are often referred to and recommended in sermons.

In a bookstore (which is hard to find anymore), I am like a kid in a candy shop. However, life has taught me that I can’t (and shouldn’t) judge a book by its cover. It’s nice to have recommendations to help me make good choices, which is important since I will spend hours reading the book and its ideas will influence my thinking.  Two sources I have used recently to determine if a book is right for me are the app Goodreads and the YouTube channel Miranda Mills.

My goal last year was to read a complete book each month. I did do that several times, reading a book start to finish within a month’s time, but sometimes I merely finished a book I had started in the past (like-ya-do). Then there was October and November which I will explain below. All said and done, I did finish twelve books in 2020 but not necessarily one in its entirety each month.

So here is my list; these are the books I completed in 2020.  I plan to post full reviews on several of them soon.

📘January

The Best Yes by Lysa Terkeurst {Christian non-fiction}

We are faced with decisions every day because life is too short to do everything. Choosing poorly or sinfully brings consequences. Having high expectations brings disappointment and a feeling of failure. Choosing too much leads to exhaustion, frustration, and panic. This book guides you through a gentle attitude adjustment so you can choose well.

📘February

The Red Sea Rules by Robert J. Morgan {Christian non-fiction}

This little book, no bigger than my hand, uses the Israelites’ journey in Exodus 14 to show us the way through our seemingly impossible trials. It is sub-titled “10 God-Given Strategies for Difficult Times” and was given to me two years ago by my friend Becky who is now facing cancer. Her spiritual strength has always shown her friends and family how to be joyful, and now, in her physical weakness, it is also showing us how to be strong. Knowing someone like Becky will make these ten rules easy to understand.

📘March

Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge {Christian non-fiction}

God designed a woman to have certain soul needs. The world is a cruel place for that soul but God is able to heal our wounds and allow us to realize and enjoy the beautiful creatures He made us to be. 

📘April

They Were Sisters by Dorothy Whipple {Fiction}

Y’all, Dorothy Whipple was the discovery of the year.  I LOVE her writing style! The story is about three very different sisters and the very different directions their choices took them. Full review coming on this one.

📘May

The Message of Daniel by Dale Ralph Davis {Christian non-fiction} 

This was the book my Circle studied September through May. Dale Ralph Davis was the Sunday night preacher at our church a few years back. This book reacquainted me with his genius and humor. I have marked many places where he captured the truth of the passage pointedly from the familiar Bible-story beginning to the less-digestible prophecy at the end. One truth he brought out was that Daniel shows us that “consistency assists courage, and discipline feeds faithfulness (Davis, 2013, p. 88).”

French Women for All Seasons by Mireille Guiliano {Non-fiction} 

In this sequel to French Women Don’t Get Fat, Mireille Guiliano shows us how to take on a French woman’s attitude about truly enjoying life by eating in-season food and incorporating exercise into our everyday lives. The book is replete with French expressions, recipes, and sage advice.

📘June

The Gospel Comes with a House Key by Rosaria Butterfield {Christian non-fiction}

I finished the last chapter of this book our church ladies read in the summer of 2019. Rosaria is a pastor’s wife and former university professor who opens her home every Sunday for a meal.  It is radical in that every walk of life is welcome and it is ordinary in that it is not fancy by any means which puts her guests at ease. She lives her life and opens her home all week in this gracious way. This book takes the focus off the place setting and onto people’s needs. Truly inspirational.

All That’s Good by Hannah Anderson {Christian non-fiction}

Our church ladies read this one over the summer and discussed it over Zoom each week. God’s perfect world is broken but His work is still good. This book teaches how to discern between what’s good and bad and recognize habits that are not living in light of God’s power to redeem. I have marked many simple but helpful truths in this book that deserve periodic meditation.

📘July

The Education of a Gardener by Russell Page {Non-fiction}

Russell Page was a professional garden designer in the early to mid 1900’s. He designed for public parks, corporations, and estates all over the world. This books lets the reader into his mind and into his experiences in landscape design.

📘August 

A Gift of Grace by Amy Clipston {Christian fiction}

Coming off that behemoth gardening read, I just wanted something light.  This was the story of an Amish couple who took in their two newly orphaned teenage nieces and the struggles that ensued in their adjustment to Amish culture.  It was a relaxing read that I obtained from my local library.

📘September 

Presentations by Carolyne Roehm {Non-fiction}

This library find is a beautiful picture book of creative gift wrapping techniques and ideas.

📘October & November

Magazines {Non-fiction} 

I finally had time to peruse over 200 interior decorating magazines from subscriptions dating back to 2009. They needed sorting so I used my reading time for this task these two months.  My favorites are House Beautiful, Veranda, Traditional Home, and Architectural Digest. [Free to a good home. Let me know if you live nearby and would like them.]

📘December 

Hymns for Advent {Christian non-fiction}

This is one of the devotionals I bought from thedailygraceco.com at half price making them $5 apiece! They are beautifully done and I thoroughly enjoyed using this the twenty-four mornings in December leading up to Christmas.  One Christmas carol text is printed for each day on a beautiful full-page photo and followed by a devotional for the day showing how the message of the carol relates to the Christmas story. Scripture references and thought-provoking questions accompany each entry. I enjoyed beginning each day of advent singing a carol in its entirety.

I am already reading at a better pace in 2021 and will let you know of the gems I discover.  Feel free to recommend your favorites to me. Happy reading!

My Reading Journey

“I don’t like to read.” This has always been my story and it has only been in the last few years that I have realized that it is a tale of fiction: it’s simply not true. 

I was a procrastinator as a young person.  I have always preferred completing a task and being done with it, not pecking at it along and along. (Pecking at tasks has now become my way of life out of necessity and I see great value in it.)  I was perpetually behind on reading my book report book.  When it came to homework verses projects, I was an acer but not a pacer. My mother came to the rescue several times and read the final chapters to me faster than I could have read them myself. (She had a soft love approach. My approach has been slightly tougher so I shelved that idea.)

I remember being called on to read aloud from the South Carolina history book in the eighth grade and reading “striped bass” (as opposed to striped treble?). Give me a break.  I’m a musician, not a fisherman. Being laughed at made me more careful not to trust my first impression when it comes to words. Even the word “read” can be read “read.”  See what I mean?

I have since realized how enamored I am with words. (Oh, look. “Enamored” has “amor” in it. That makes sense.) No wonder puns are my favorite jokes. My mother always had a huge dictionary by her chair and used it regularly as she did crossword puzzles or investigated unfamiliar words. I suppose this is where I got the novel idea of being a lifelong student.

I am a slow reader because I examine words carefully, typing them in my head, noticing the spelling, double taking to be curious of their use, meaning, and pronunciation. If I do something, I do it thoroughly, beginning to end and all in between.  I don’t want to miss anything.  What if I speed-read over a “not”?  I would take the opposite meaning of the whole sentence! My ability to focus on minutia is one of my best strengths but it makes for a slow reader (and could also cause personal and relationship problems but that’s for another day). Learning to sight-read piano music during choir rehearsals made it obvious that I couldn’t go back, linger, or second-guess.  The beat goes on and you must go with it. This has helped me to make my eyes move along in books at a steady pace and force myself not to look back. (That’ll preach.)

As a diligent student in high school and college, I always had more than plenty of reading to do.  There was no way that I would choose to read in my rare spare time. Then as a mother of small children, my go-to me-time activity would have been to go-to bed!

For these reasons, I believed that reading was just not my thing. But slowly I have realized that some of my fondest memories are centered around books.

Growing up, many teachers read to my class but it was Mrs. Edens in fourth grade that captured my attention. She read to us at the end of each day. I remember her reading The Mouse and the Motorcycle, Charlotte’s Web, and The Boxcar Children. I was completely caught up in another world and hanging on her every word.

When I think back to elementary school, library time was always a highlight of the week. This was a rare school moment when we weren’t asked to be the same; we could be ourselves with our own individual interests. We chose our own books rather than working from identical books. My memory was jogged about this when I recently looked at my fifth grade yearbook and saw that I was a library aide. (What a missed opportunity. They should have called us pages!) Hmmmm. Organizing. Books. It was a clue to who I really was.

Come to think of it, my school libraries and public libraries were favorite places of mine.  Ahhh, the Hartsville library! It was my first non-school library experience complete with card catalog and library smell. It made me, a child, feel like a citizen of the community. And then there was the Sumter library which I loved for a different reason. If your boyfriend is always your school project partner, then I guess you have to work on it periodically at the library together and since there’s a sandwich shop next to the library, you could take a much needed break for sustenance which might feel like a date even before you’re allowed to but it’s not technically. Sigh. Love and books. I mean love OF books! 

PC: Jud McCranie CC BY-SA 4.0

Fast forward to the stay-at-home-mom chapter of my life. My first child was an only child for four and a half years. Very early in his life, we began the habit of booking it over to the local library every week.  He developed a great relationship with Mrs. Davenport, the children’s librarian, and she would read to him at the little table while I chose books from lists (big surprise) I had created from my research. We took bags of books home each week and read through the stack at least once a day.  This continued with my other two children with much more camaraderie and reading to each other.  These are some of the fondest memories of my life and I type this with happy tears in my eyes.

When my children were all in school, I volunteered to read to their classes. I remember reading The Castle in the Attic and Understood Betsy to the upper elementary classes. Many of the children enjoyed it like I did when I was their age. It was a win-win-win: the teacher got a break, the kids got a treat, and I got the joy of taking their imaginations on an adventure.

This turnabout of events—going from despising reading to enjoying it— is one of those lessons life teaches you but only over time and with reflection.

1. The first lesson I see is that your passion may be revealed early in life but you may not accept it because you feel unskilled in that area. I remember watching my mother’s fingers move over the piano keyboard and just being amazed at how she knew which keys to press. I was fascinated but thought I could never do that myself. Learning takes time but it miraculously happens every day. Just because a skill is not easy now doesn’t mean it never will be. This shows us how important it is to continuously encourage good things in others: those lofty dreams are bound to become their reality.

2. Something which keeps catching your attention is probably a true passion of yours. I used this technique in picking out my china pattern when I was engaged. Every time I would look through a tableware brochure or see the “great wall of china” in a department store, my eye would stop at the same pattern over and over and I would gasp. I eventually knew it was mine.

3. As teachers, we feel like the bad guys, forcing children to learn things they resist learning, but actually these skills are the very things that will give them the abilities to pursue their passions. Mrs. Edens knew that she was showing us the enjoyment side of learning to read and write. Her mature long view won out over my immature short view and now I am grateful to her.

4. We want to return to those moments that made us feel at peace. As my interests were allowed to show in choosing my own books in elementary library, I felt seen. After Mrs. Edens asked me to do my work all school-day long, she recognized my need for refreshment and gave me a lovely story. I wouldn’t trade anything for the memories of being pressed up against my Momma’s side as she read to me, hearing her sweet tones and experiencing a book with her. Whatever is going on in our lives, we can escape to another world in a book. It’s safe and the conclusion is already worked out and within sight. I guess when I think about it, reading to me equaled love, and I have found myself sharing my love in the same way.

If my junior-high self could see me now, I would laugh at me. I’ve grown up, raised my family, and finally have free time to do anything I want to do, so what do I do?  READ and write BOOK REPORTS.  Voluntarily!  Life is funny.

Next blog post: The Books I Read in 2020. 

My Chair

Hello again, Friends.  It has been a while since I have written. I have been debating here at the end of the high dive and alas have been nudged to take the plunge.  Since today is Be Keeper’s Day (2/5–referencing the theme verse Titus 2:5), it seems like the appropriate day to get back to writing about the reality of being a keeper at home.

My, how life has changed! I don’t just mean lockdown; my life has changed in a much more permanent way. After twenty-seven years of being a mom to growing children, I have sat down; I have taken a deep and thorough rest. I am sure I sat periodically during those twenty-seven years but not like this. 

I loved Mom Life. Being with my children through every phase of their development was wonderful. I was never without urgent tasks to complete, making my helpfulness evident. It’s not as evident any more except for the fact that I’m still here: that’s plenty of evidence that I haven’t completed my life. The Mom Life was so busy—so very busy!  We worked at making it less busy but it was still busy. I am amazed that I was able to do all of that going and doing, knowing now what an introvert I am. There wasn’t much time for me to take care of ME, but there is time now. 

Eight years ago when we bought my husband’s long-awaited leather recliner, we also bought a Momma Bear chair for me. I sit there sometimes but there is a high ceiling in our living room and there’s politics in there and the smell of coffee. There are also people in there, the people I love most in this world, yet I still need quality and quantity time alone, tucked away somewhere.

I remember those busy years when I had to make myself call it quits at 11pm. I also remember the day when I decided to hang it up at 9pm each night because I deserved an hour to relax before bed. Because of my need for alone time, I would sit on my bed, propped with pillows, for lack of anywhere else to sit in my room. Eventually we moved an old, dated chair into the corner of my room that would do the trick temporarily, especially with a blanket thrown over it.

This chair came from my parents’ furniture store nearly thirty years ago. It was my Daddy’s go-to chair when my parents visited us. In fact, he sat in this chair to hold his namesake for the first time. It would be interesting to see a list of all the guests who have sat in this chair. It has served us well.

My husband has offered to replace it with a new chair.  I have looked a bit but haven’t found one the same shape. Plus, my Daddy didn’t hold his namesake in those other chairs.  Maybe I will have it reupholstered for my next sitting room, but for now, this chair has my back.  In my small little world, it is my command center. It’s not too hard and not too soft; it’s juuuust right.

Next to my chair I have a short, three-shelf bookcase which also acts as my bedside table.  It holds everything I need. I could busy myself here all day having devotions, corresponding, managing finances, filing my nails, watching a movie, reading books, shopping, writing my blog, making appointments, eating my snack, checking off and creating lists, planning, planning, and planning. Oh, and my puzzle books!  Reading, writing, and ’rithmatic have turned out to be my lifelong companions. Unfortunately, I do have to get up occasionally to do, you know, housework and some days I have to actually LEAVE the house, but even before leaving, I look forward to some chair time before bed. Chair work suits me best.

Please don’t think me lazy.  The work I do in my chair is real work.  In fact, it is a lot of what there is to do as a mother with children at home or as a single person for that matter. Much of what a home manager does is reduced to moving things from one place to another, scheduling, and filling out forms.  I used to handle many of these things sitting in my van during a flute lesson or between steps of a recipe or on the fly in some other capacity. I never found much time those days for the nails or books. Finally having that time after it being so scarce makes it all the sweeter. Now that I think about it, that driver’s seat in the van used to be “my chair.” No complaint here: it was sweet work.

I remember my Momma’s chair. It was in the living room which she had to herself a lot in the evenings by the time I, the final child, was a teen. Hers was equipped with a nail file, scissors, ink pens, huge dictionary, thesaurus, daily crossword puzzle, magazines, and that well-read red Bible. 

I suppose I am falling into the typical life pattern of being on the go when I was young with scarcely any down time, and now being on the slow and having to work at getting enough active time. Both lives are a blessing from the Lord and I want to get the joy each life brings. I am still a mom to growing children but the momming and the growing are different now. Adjusting to those changes can be painful but the love continues and carries me through to each new phase.

These transitional days have left me wondering what my contribution will be going forward.  I know that I have a need to be of help so I am considering how I can do that, though I realize prayer and friendship are always valuable contributions to make at any age. The Holy Spirit won’t leave me alone about this blog, though I have told Him all the reasons it won’t work. Let’s just say I am coasting forward in neutral to see where I can be most effective.  I plan to write on topics concerning homemaking and I pray it benefits many, but I also want to show introverts and Highly Sensitive Persons that they are not alone—news I would have welcomed along my life’s way.

I have been stretched all my life to do things I didn’t think I could do. Believing “I can’t!” forced me to ask God for help and He is the only way I could have done any of it. He has been like this chair: always waiting with outstretched arms to uphold me and allow me to rest while giving me a way to accomplish my tasks. When I get away, I long to run back to Him. He doesn’t change. He doesn’t chide me for being who I am.  He is just always there…for me.

Making A Wardrobe Capsule

We face choices many times per day but making decisions can be stressful, especially for a perfectionist like me.  I have learned that I make many decisions by process of elimination. Having too many choices overwhelms me so I must narrow the choices down by eliminating whole groups of items as I consider what is required of my choice.  

You may be like me in that you have a lot of clothes.  Standing in my closet to choose an outfit is befuddling because there are hundreds if not thousands of combination possibilities. I have stood for long periods of time like a deer in the headlights just staring at my clothes.  There have been times that I got so tired of standing there that I finally just sat down on the floor to wait for an outfit to materialize. I began to dread getting dressed each day.  It was ridiculous to the point that I knew I had to do something to fix this (first world) problem. Necessity is definitely the mother of invention.

My dilemma is partly due to the way I shop.  I am a Maxxinista.  TJ Maxx just has the things I like and most items are $10, $20, and $30 each! The return policy liberates me to take things home knowing it will be no problem to return them if I decide against keeping them (and you’d better buy it if you MIGHT want it because it most likely will not be there when you go back for it.  “Never the same place twice.”). My wardrobe is almost completely from TJ Maxx except for the beauties I get from the Talbots or Ann Taylor/Loft outlets I visit once or twice a year.  The problem with the way I shop is that I buy single pieces at a time which puts the burden on me to make outfits out of them.  It can be a fun burden but takes skill if I want to look put together.

This chore of making outfits helps me see the necessity of a wardrobe capsule. If I could separate my wardrobe into groups of items that go together, getting dressed would be so much simpler.  

With the arrival of fall, I layed out all my fallish items.  From there, I made outfits and took pictures of them as flat lays.  I didn’t spend a lot of time making them artistic; I just wanted to see the items together. It took a lot of time and energy as I switched one part of an outfit with other options and climbed on and off the chair on which I stood to take pictures with my phone. Sometimes when I see a nice outfit on someone or on a mannequin, I have the thought that I never would have put those pieces together but it looks really good.  I tried to throw out my preconceived notions while putting outfits together during this process to allow me to discover combinations I normally wouldn’t make. It really did help me consider new options.

I have been eagerly anticipating wearing these wide-legged capris this fall. I think any of these combinations would work and I can switch the capris out for my faux leather olive drab skirt. This exercise saved the flesh colored top in the lower middle picture; I was about to chunk it because I had never worn it but now I have used it several times after making these outfits.

I thought these salmon-colored pants would be a good transition color from summer to autumn but I didn’t like any of my styling options so I returned them.

Wondering if this is my style anymore.

I like this skirt but the black blouse is the only one I like with it. Everything else is ho-hum. I’m starting to think it has something to do with pulling out the blocks of color—too much vying for attention.

These pictures helped me see things that were right in front of my eyes all along.  It reminded me of when I chose my wedding china.  I would float my eyes across those great walls of china and through many glossy brochures but the same pattern caught my eye every time.  That’s how I knew it was the one.  The same happened as I flipped through my outfit photos: “blah, blah, blah, Oooo, I like this one!” I’m not excited and confident to wear “blah.” Life’s too short and I have too many choices for that.  I want to dress every day in “Ooooo!”

I have owned this skirt for several years and never worn it. It seems like a good thing to have, right? And there’s Valentine’s Day, Christmas, Patriotic occasions. You can see how the jackets change the outfit completely. Should I keep it if I have to work so hard to like it? This process also showed me that the gray blouse in the lower middle picture can come off as lavender.

I could go for any of these. Which is your favorite?

Several of these can be dressed up or down with accessories.

That was a very telling process, but the process wasn’t over.  There’s a difference in how clothes look flat on a bed and how they look on my body. The color may not flatter me. The top may hit my hips at the widest point. It may be too tight or too loose. There are a myriad of other problems that could be revealed when I try them on but I’d rather discover them at this point than when I’m trying to get out of the door.

Left: I liked this outfit better on the bed than on me. I am reminded why I stopped tucking shirts in: it adds bulk just where you don’t want it.

Middle: This soft, casual jacket finishes the look nicely and brings down the formality of the blouse. However, it also hides the detail on the blouse cuffs which is the best part.

Right: This is a casual look that could be dressed down further with less formal shoes. The knit tank top reveals the distracting lines at the top of my skirt though.

While you are trying on, experiment a little. These pictures show the difference in wearing a white versus a gray tank top underneath this sheer blouse. I prefer the gray.

I photographed the outfit on me in the mirror. While I had it on, I experimented with accessories which told me which elements I lacked to finish the outfit. These items went promptly onto a shopping list. Now I know exactly what I need. Many of those times sitting in front of my closet, I was putting together outfits in my mind but they fell apart when I realized that I didn’t have the right sweater or shoes or hosiery. Lacking the right accessories can prevent you from wearing items that you really would enjoy wearing. Purchasing the right shoes may give you more outfits to wear than buying new outfits would.

Now that I had pictures of the outfits, I organized the pictures into albums on my phone.  I created the following albums: 

Casual outfits—cool weather

Dressy outfits—cool weather

Casual outfits—warm weather

Dressy outfits—warm weather. 

Now when it is time to get dressed, I can look under the appropriate category and choose.

As I carve out time for wardrobe coordination, I will choose one theme each time.  I have plans to do a capsule of navy blue outfits and of Christmas outfits. There may be a favorite scarf that has never found its outfit and you just need to settle that once and for all. I have been known to wear purple to church every Sunday in February so that I could wear my amethyst birthstone jewelry in celebration of my birthday month. I will hang these garments together when the time comes.

For this fall, I have my fall items grouped in a section of my closet.  That signals to me that this is the area from which I am to choose. I now enjoy getting dressed with ease, knowing that the thinking is already done. As the weather gets cooler, I will replace the lighter weight pieces with heavier ones and continue to keep viable choices at the forefront.

Yes, I still pull pieces from the rest of my wardrobe, but grouping my fall items together has given me a huge start on getting dressed each day.

I even gathered my fall scarves and hung them with my fall clothes. I am much more likely to wear them when they are next to the pieces I am eyeing.

Creating this one wardrobe capsule has shown me the value of this process. Here are three things it did for me.

1. It acquainted me with what I have and what I need.

I had items in my closet that I thought should be useful but that I had never worn.  Gathering my fall items to make outfits forced me to consider those pieces and I have now worn things for the first time and liked them, things that were in danger of being purged. I would say this process gives you fresh eyes.

I also discovered that it was time to purge some things that I was just accustomed to wearing. I found that I had three dark gray jackets that all served the same purpose.  The one I bought most recently is butter soft and could be dressed up or down.  I know I will use it a lot.  One of the jackets just wouldn’t hang right so I took it back to the store since fortunately the tags were still on it. (Yep. TJ Maxx. Having no receipt got me a gift card. That’s fine.  I would have spent the money right back there anyway.)  The final gray jacket was just a little snug through the shoulders so it now hangs in my daughter’s closet. I am left with the gray jacket that I will truly enjoy and I now have more closet space. I will not continue to waste time trying those three jackets with my outfits repeatedly and coming to the same conclusion each time.

Knowing the items I need will keep me focused when I shop. The process helps you to prioritize those needs by showing you which items you need over and over for different outfits.  I now realize that brown boots and gray heels would finish off several of my ensembles.

2. It focused my attention on one look at a time.

As I have focused on dressing for fall, I have also incorporated fall hues in my make-up and nail polish.  I do not typically wear orange so I have made a project of finding orange shades that lean toward pink. This has given me time to experiment with blush, lipstick, and nail polish that work with my coloring and clothes. My nails are good to go for the week since I am wearing clothes of the same color palette every day.  I know I always have the right shade of lipstick thrown in my purse since it will match everything I wear this week.  And speaking of purses, I will use the same one all week since it coordinates with the look I am wearing right now, eliminating the need to daily switch purses.  Lots of winning and time saved!

These cosmetics gave me just enough orange to feel fallish:

OPI Infinite Shine 2 Gel-Lacquer in “Excuse me, Big Sur!”

NYX Lipstick in “Tea Rose”

Tarte Amazonian Clay 12-Hour Blush in “Paaaarty”

Urban Decay 24/7 Glide-On Lip Pencil in “Manic”

3. It simplified the daily task of getting dressed.

It’s crazy to call getting dressed a task.  It should be part of my pampering session as I get ready. It is nice to approach my closet with thanksgiving for my beautiful clothes and the artistry I am trying to reflect back to God in carefully crafting my outfit and doing it decently and in order. Stress is not something I need before I go out in public; being in public is already stressful for me.  I need to enter it with peace and focus on what I am going out to do, and this process has helped me tremendously with that.

I can see how wardrobe capsules are going to help a ton with packing.  That can be the worst part of going on a trip but to have things already grouped that work together and are interchangeable will make that chore much easier, and one purse and nail color will work for the whole trip.

My suspicion is that this process would solve other problems as well.  Being prepared really eases my mind and helps me do a better job. I am easily overwhelmed so I like my ducks in rows ahead of time. I have been Martha Martha at events so many times that I have finally figured out that I need to be Martha BEFORE the party so I can be Mary DURING the party (Luke 10:41-42). Making wardrobe capsules is just one way that I can attend to myself in advance so that I am free to serve others wholeheartedly.

Closet Switcheroo

School has begun and the glorious month of September is upon us. This means it is time to dress in more snuggly clothes in colors which often reflect the new palette we see with each new autumn day. Traditionally, Easter and Labor Day are the cues to transition into dressing for the cool months versus the warm months.  I adhere to this tradition, not because it is traditional, but because it heeds the wisdom upon which traditions are built. They are holidays at the turning points of the seasons. I have a task on my permanent to-do list for April and September to switch out my closet for the next season.

Pictured below is the bottom rack of my closet where I hang my bottoms (naturally). These are the bottoms that have been hung there since April. I hung all the hangers backwards at first and hung them the other way around throughout the summer only if I wore them.  This picture is irksome to me because the clothes are not organized according to type but, just for this picture, according to the direction the hangers faced.  The clothes to the left of center (where the little blue marker is) were worn, and the clothes to the right were not worn.  It turns out that I wore  thirty-eight bottoms and did not wear thirty-five. How nice it would have been if I had known in April that I would never wear those thirty-five this year and eliminated them up front so that the clothes I did wear had more hanging room. My daily decisions would have been less complicated and time consuming.

Once I determined which pieces were not worn, I put a tiny elastic on each hanger so that I will know at the end of next season which items have gone two seasons without being worn. When that is true, I will need to seriously consider whether I should continue to pay their mortgage. I bought these little elastics to use with my scarves. (That will have to be a separate blog post on another day.)  They are found in the hair care aisle and a package of one gazillion will cost you less than $3. I have never used them on hair but I am finding them to be handy in unexpected ways. 

The next step is to pull from the rack anything that is no longer appropriate to wear this time of year.  That would be whites and light colors and fabrics that would be too cool or worn with summer shoes.  These need to be stored elsewhere.  You may have to get creative with storage under the bed or on closet shelves.  I have hung off-season clothes behind my hanging clothes on the bar that anchors the wire shelf to the wall. I was sad when my oldest son left home but was slightly comforted when I realized he left me an empty closet. It has become my off-season closet.  It is nice to get clothing out of sight and out of mind for a whole season.  They then seem like new clothes when you are reminded of them next season. 

The summer items now transition to the off-season closet and I pick out the pieces from the off-season closet that can be used when the first chill of autumn is felt. There aren’t many for me because I have half a rack of sweaters that stay in my closet year round.  Most buildings in the South are very cool to combat the high temperatures outside so I find that I need a sweater every time I go anywhere.  The day I determined to wear a sweater everywhere was the day I left my lunch half-eaten on a restaurant table because I was so miserable from shivering that I couldn’t enjoy it. The thin, three-quarter-length-sleeve sweaters are wardrobe staples for me. 

Now summer doesn’t turn to winter on a dime so there will be a gradual switching of clothes from my closet to the off-season closet.  We Southern Belles have the added challenge of trying to look like October when it feels like July! It will be January before we need wool and we will shiver in our Easter dresses because our weather is unpredictable. I should go ahead and create some fallish outfits that won’t make me sweat.

And now for the finished product. 

Here are my autumn bottoms! From left to right, I have shorts, capris, pants, and then skirts ranging from casual to dressy. I am already looking sideways at the more summery ones which will soon be switched out for winter pieces. Those elastic bands will be staring at me and I will be staring back giving hard consideration to whether they should really be in my collection. I’m pretty sure I can’t zip several of them; this closet has made some of my garments shrink in the last few years.

Bulky wools and coats take up a lot of closet space so the more real I can be about what I actually wear, the less packed my clothes will be in my closet. Let’s face it: we reach for our favorite pieces over and over anyway so we need far less than we think. I often wish I could snap my fingers and the clothes I will never actually use would disappear. Minimalism and less complication is appealing more and more. I haven’t changed greatly in size over my life so that lends to collecting things from long-gone styles that I can’t see as long-gone. Thus a collection is prone to only inflow unless it is purposely purged. 

I like the idea of thoroughly enjoying what I really like and letting go of the rest.  It seems that it would mean that you can celebrate who you are and that you aren’t still experimenting with multiple styles. My style and maturity have changed over the years and sometimes it is difficult to recognize when it is time to let go of a former era. Fashion is just one tangible way we do this and it should encourage us to be as real with our inner selves. 

Enjoy this lovely time of year!

New York City with the Boys

Since many of you were interested in our last trip to New York, I thought I'd share about our most recent trip.

We are fortunate enough to live five minutes from an airport that has a direct flight to New York City which leaves early in the morning and the returning flight arrives late at night. This means that we get a lot out of a day without paying for an extra night in a hotel. This weekend our flight arrived early Friday morning in New York and we got home right on time Sunday night.  Perfect! This was our youngest son’s second flight in his life so he was due according to today’s standards. I’m pretty sure he enjoyed every minute of it.  It was a nice “You’re… (correction) WE’RE finished with the eleventh grade!” kickoff to the summer. Oh, and he enjoyed every second of the weekend and has been so vocally thankful as was his big brother. Our daughter was so very missed on this trip but is having a great time studying abroad in Spain so we didn’t pity her too badly.

New York is not my type of place in general. Crowds, smells, noise, and endless walking are not my cup of tea, but, as I go repeatedly and have seen the popular sights, I am starting to find that I can tailor the trip to be MY trip.  Having a son who lives in NYC and is so knowledgeable about the subway system and the layout of the city makes it much easier to go.  I am slowly learning it myself and look forward to learning of more of MY spots.  I see future trips being a slower pace of revisiting my favorites and discovering one or two more each time. I believe my cup of (high) tea will be had at the Plaza or the Peninsula Hotels. Window shopping down Madison Avenue on the arm of my handsome man under an umbrella was a bit snuggly and romantic.  One day I will find a shop that has my style and make it part of my routine. Anyone know of a shop that carries ladies’ clothing from the late 1800’s? Oh, I guess I will also have to find an alternate universe in which to wear those clothes. 

For such a short trip, Capers was able to pack in a backpack. My husband packed a carry on and we put our cosmetics in my checked bag.  With more effort, we could have made sure we had the required amount of liquids to take on board in a carry on, but then we couldn’t have brought home our Eiffel Tower souvenir Colton had gotten for us in Paris.  I am learning to take a larger bag than you need so you have room to bring home goodies.  I saw one lady who had a soft carry on—a quilted fabric style bag and I thought that it is probably the best way to do it.  It squishes in overheads where a hard case could not have gone, although you would have to carry it and not roll it and I would not want to set it on a bathroom floor! Tough decision. First world problems. I also recommend for ladies to travel with several gentlemen. You never have to carry a thing!

Colton met us at the airport and guided us to our hotel where we stored our luggage since it wasn’t check-in time yet. We stayed at the Residence Inn at 54th and Broadway so that we would be within walking distance of the things we wanted to do. It was too early to go to our lunch reservation so we went to the hotel’s fourth floor lounge which had comfy seating. Just what we needed. Then we were off to a delicious Thai lunch at Topaz Noodle Bar.  Don’t believe them when they say “a little spicy.” Fortunately, combining my mild rice with my husband’s “a little spicy” rice gave us both “still pretty spicy” rice. It was very good, though. We walked through the south end of Central Park for a bit before Jeff and I turned in for our afternoon nap and the boys ran off to see the world. 

Our room wasted no space but had most everything we needed.  The room darkening curtains worked great.  I am always wishing for more hooks for hanging things but I suppose hotels have their reasons for not providing more. We had a kitchenette that would suffice for an apartment complete with crock pot.  I didn’t happen to use it this trip. Trying to think of a case when I would use it in a hotel. Still thinking. I love anything that is efficient and that usually means it is multi-purpose.  I loved the stool that matched the chair. It could be a stool to sit on, a footstool, a luggage rack, and storage.  The storage was lined in a way that I wondered if it were also a cooler in which you could chill drinks.  A colossal ice bucket?  Someone was thinking. Our 49th floor room had a great view and we enjoyed it in every phase of lighting from early morning to dark. 

After our early flight, pavement pounding, and Asian-food induced comas, our footmen (aka sons) came for us and for Capers’ backpack and guided us to Brooklyn to see Colton’s apartment.  It’s a 30-minute subway ride from Manhattan and in a nice area of Brooklyn.  He walks past stores and restaurants from the subway and is able to get what he needs on his way home without having to carry it far. His apartment space is two-story and his room is as neat as a pin.  They have done a good job of organizing their small space and it is comfortable and clean.  Colton’s roommate happened to be out of town this weekend so Capers was able to stay with him.  We met two of his apartment mates.  Some of them graduated from the same school he did. I feel better having seen where he lives.  I don’t know why but it is settling for me as a mom. Then we took a bus to Dekalb Market/City Point which is like a gourmet food court.  We bought two $21 pastrami sandwiches to split and we were stuffed.  I have no idea who eats that sandwich by himself. It was fairly late when we ate and I dipped mine in spicy mustard so I had a little heartburn later that night.  I am finding that this ole thing can’t eat just any ole thing any ole time of night anymore. It was so good, though! Cool experience. Of course, there’s always room for ice cream because it just fills in the spaces between as it goes into your stomach. We had walked around the market looking for what we each might want for dinner but then we thought that it is better to experience things together and so we decided to eat whatever Colton was having and I’m glad we did.  Together is better.

The boys took us back to our room and these old people went to bed at 9:00. 

Saturday morning, Jeff and I had the hotel breakfast which was the typical nice hotel hot breakfast buffet. It is served on the third floor which looks just like the fourth floor lounge. We had tickets for 10am to see the Downton Abbey Exhibit.  I had wanted to go months ago and it was supposed to close in April but it has been held over and I was so excited to find that out. It is a self-guided tour though they have headsets to rent. The bottom floor is the servants’ quarters and kitchen.  It looked just like the set.  The cast appear as holograms from time to time to tease you. The library is a room where a multi-media presentation is shown. We should have sat at the back so we didn’t have to look around to see what was happening on each wall.  Very cool. The second floor is the family’s area.  The table was set and the bedroom was on display.  I have a thing about dressing tables so I loved seeing that. Many artifacts were included from the show which were from the time period.  The part that made me weak in the knees though was the costumes.  Pieces were scattered about but the third floor was dedicated to the clothing.  The detail! Designing and making my own clothes again is on my empty-nester list and I am collecting ideas. Learning about a craft or art gives you the capacity to appreciate what others have done. That was true for me this weekend in so many areas: music, acting, sewing, etiquette, health, happiness.  If you do not know how hard or rare something is, you cannot fully enjoy it. Knowledge is power: it gives you the power to enjoy.

The tour took only an hour. Then we mosied around to kill time until lunch. The weather was perfect and the streets were busy. We met the boys at Junior’s for lunch and then walked around with them.  We went into the Steinway store and Colton played the $97,000 Steinway for us in the humidity-controlled studio. Beautiful talent. Beautiful music. Beautiful piano. So much good. On to Bryant Park and then to our respective theatres.  The boys saw the musical “Spongebob” and we saw “Hello, Dolly!” Very enjoyable. Bernadette Peters was the lead role and 72 years old, Y’all. The worst part of our trip was the woman behind us who sang along and said the punch lines one second ahead of the actors. We heard her talking during intermission about how many more drinks she thought she could handle. It is so difficult to not share some wisdom with people like that but what good would it do? We exercised patience and were reminded that others have to bear with us in our own ignorant rudeness. Still our memories of a great show are not tainted by another GertRUDE sighting.

After the show, we headed back to Junior’s to get cheesecake to go.  I knew my friend was in New York on a family girl trip but we did not have plans to meet up, but, lo and behold, who is standing next to Junior’s?! We chatted and snapped a groupie and then my husband and I headed back to the hotel for some rest. It was already pretty late so I just rested instead of sleeping so as not to spoil a good night’s sleep. The boys came and visited a bit and then we all went to Little Italy to a cool spot called Piacere. The food was very authentic but the portions were not very large which is kind of nice so you can still handle dessert.  We strolled through Little Italy and Capers ate a cannoli which someone had told him to do while he was in New York. Colton gave us subway instructions to get back to our room and we obeyed perfectly.  It was cheesecake time so we each ate one fourth of the six inch raspberry swirl cheesecake we had bought that afternoon.  They sell it by the slice also but the six inch was cheaper if you were buying two slices.  Mr. Wonderful had suddenly decided my favorite flavor was his favorite flavor and ended up with a kiss on the cheek AND with cheesecake. I highly recommend marrying a nice man. It comes in handy when choosing cheesecake flavors and going to girly things like Downton Abbey Exhibits.  And every other day, too.

After a hard night’s sleep, Jeff went down for breakfast while I polished off all I could eat of the remaining cheesecake. Cheesecake for breakfast as you look at the NYC skyline: life gets very good sometimes. We stored our luggage with the hotel bellman and took the subway as Colton had prescribed. We collected Capers from the coffee shop where Colton had left him moments before.  Then the three of us walked to Redeemer Presbyterian Church where Colton was getting his instructions for what to do in the service.  You see, this is the whole purpose of this trip.  This is the morning that our first child to leave home was joining a church.  When we learned of the date of this event, we wanted to go but then decided that it was bad timing, etc, etc. As the time drew near, we decided that it didn’t matter what kind of timing it was; we needed to be there for this event to support our son in this good decision. The fact that we have a grown son who is willing to join a Bible-believing church is not just something that should go by uncelebrated.  We thank God for His mercy and grace that brought this about and we want our children to know that this is the big stuff.  This is a wonderful decision and a milestone in Colton’s life.  He has been involved already in the church and attends faithfully but he could do both without being a member.  This decision helps to tether him to a family away from home: his church family and God’s family. They will support him and encourage him and look after him. He is making himself a part of a local church and publicly stating who he is and what he believes and making Christian growth a part of his stated intentions. The service was wonderful. I always enjoy attending church on vacation because it makes obvious the bond Christians have. You can feel it immediately. This church is a one-race church: the human race. The hands I shook felt just like mine and our voices blended perfectly. My favorite moment though was when Colton took his vows and answered “I do” to the question of depending solely on the work of Jesus Christ to save his soul. I have heard Colton deliver many lines publicly on stage but none have ever moved me so. Praise be to God.

His church meets early so he had a favorite brunch place picked out for us called The Smith.  It had an early 1900’s feel with black and white tile.  The food was great and I heard that the bathrooms were worth seeing: each stall was it's own little room.  Next stop was the Flatiron Building. I forget the order of coffee shop visits from Sunday because there were quite a few.  When hotel check-out is early in the day but you do not fly out until late in the day, you have nowhere to take your Sunday afternoon nap. And it was raining.  And we were tired. So the cost of a chair to sit in was the price of a cup of coffee.

I wanted to see The Frick Collection this trip. I saw the Metropolitan Museum of Art on the last trip.  I say "I saw it", as if one could fully see it. There are New Yorkers who go regularly because you can’t take it all in.  It is massive.  It’s an elephant you eat a bite at a time.  So I should say I did a run through last time.  I will digest more of it in the future, Lord willing.  Without researching it this trip, I remembered that I wanted to see The Frick museum sometime and it turned out to be the perfect choice. Mr. Frick died in 1919 and left his home as a museum to house his art collection. The house is left largely as it was and the downstairs is open for tours. I would have been happy to buy the $22 ticket just to see the house. The mouldings, the drapes, the furniture, the paneling. Sigh. Then there’s the art!  Three Rembrandts, three Vermeers, a Degas, a Manet, and much more. We took a lovely Sunday afternoon stroll in Mr. Frick’s home and it ended by teasing me with a GORGEOUS roped-off staircase. Torture. Actually you know all tours end in the gift shop.  I bought a beautiful tote bag with a floral print taken from a piece of porcelain. It became my carry on.  Easy to please.  That’s me. 

We navigated police barricades which were there for the Puerto Rican parade after having toured the museum to their music (not the typical museum music) to get to the Peninsula Hotel where we got hot tea and sat in their comfy chairs. We each got our own little teapots and strainers and had a delightful chat while watching others have high tea. The petit fours looked wonderful and are on my list for next trip.

The boys had gone to Brooklyn to get Capers’ backpack so now we met in Hell’s Kitchen for French food at La Bergamote before our final “au revoir”.  Hell’s Kitchen is an area on the west side just SW of Central Park and Colton explained that the subway doesn’t go out that far so it is not as touristy. We were not able to cross one street because a man was in a rage on the other corner and we weren’t sure what was about to go down.  We scurried across when he went far enough from the corner that we could get by.  We had a wonderful meal and some French pastries to finish off a delightful day.

After stopping by the hotel for our luggage, Colton took us to the airport and went half way through the line for security before saying goodbye. A specimen of stamina and resilience. It’s a proud moment when the child you spent your life taking care of takes care of you. Once again, I left part of my heart in New York City and had a safe trip home. Dolly may never go away again, but I plan to. Until next time, New York.

🎈Happy Birthday to Me!

This fiftieth day of 2018 is my fiftieth birthday.

Wait. What?!  Did I say fifty? How can that be? I truly feel like a twenty-five year old in my head. However, if I’m doing the math right, I WAS born fifty years ago and I CAN account for every one of those years, so I guess I should say that I feel like TWO twenty-five year olds in my head.

But FIFTY?! That used to be so old.

In anticipation of my milestone birthday, I determined last year that I would be at the top of my game at fifty so I toyed with adopting the slogan “Fit at Fifty” or “Fifty and Fabulous” and gave myself several months (plenty of time) to attain this goal.  We joined a gym last June and I finally realized a long-time dream of getting physically fit. We began to think more about our health. I also made strides in being on a spiritual mountaintop when I came to my monumental birthday, studying the Bible and learning things that I could teach others also. I worked to come out of my shell more and be that happy social butterfly that I envy in other personalities. As I approach an empty nest, I could see that I would get more time with my aging mother and be able to do things for her I haven’t had time to do. I planned to have a photo shoot to document my happiness and publish my prettiest picture ON my big day. I would give other women hope that turning fifty was a joyful stage in life!

Well, that’s the paragraph I planned to write, but that’s not how last year went at all.

Forty-nine was not fun, not because it led to fifty, but because it was for me a year filled with many trials. Adjustments are hard. I do not run from change but the truth is that adjusting to a new reality is a shock to the system, even if it is something that is a joyful change. 

We did join the gym, but I literally fell on my knee last Fall (appropriately) and figuratively fell off the workout wagon. I became the mother of an adult child who lives in another state and didn’t need me the way I was accustomed to being needed. My daughter was away at college and beginning to date. My energetic baby boy was left at home with no siblings and two boring parents. I didn’t know how to be who I needed to be in relation to this new reality and wished I had more wisdom to offer them as they faced new challenges themselves. My mother was in pain everyday and I had no way to relieve her. I was falling apart in so many ways and just not able to deal. I wanted to quit everything because I didn’t feel like I had anything to offer that anybody would value and my own imperfections discouraged me. All of these pressures took a toll on my marriage which then caused us to get real. We should really have this thing figured out by now and sometimes it seemed like we hadn’t learned a thing.  My husband has had to find a strength and an understanding and a forgiveness and a patience to meet the challenge which has been revitalizing to our relationship.  I pray I can be there for him the way he has been there for me when he faces his greatest challenge in life.  He has certainly shown me how.

Turning fifty forces you to accept that what you wanted to be by this late date doesn’t match with what you actually are—there should have been more holiday decorations, more garnishes on the food, I should be a beacon of sunshine to the throngs who look to me for help, there should be no junk drawers (or rooms), etc.  There’s a reason perfectionists get depressed—they can never do enough to make things just right and the only place that’s perfect is heaven. Others’ imperfections are annoying, but a perfectionists’ imperfections bring on self-hate which is no picnic for those who have to live with them. Reaching an age like fifty sobers you to realize that it was what it was and there is no going back to make it better.  As a young person you have the joy of dreaming all the things you could do and become in life but older ages humble you as you realize that your story has been mostly written. It’s time to be happy with what your life turned out to be. 

(By the way, those who know me as an acquaintance may be reading this in disbelief. Some seem to think I have it all together. Nope, I am human, too.  It would take a lot of pressure off if I could tell this to the world.)

On January 2, my mother passed away. While I have every reason to be at peace with her passing, I do miss her especially today.  After all, your birthday is about you and your mother, right? She had said every time I saw her last year that I had a special birthday coming so I know she wishes me a happy birthday. It’s nice to know it would have been a special day for her, too. Her departure leaves me as the eldest in my line for my children to look to and that definitely gives me the feel of being handed the baton. If I’m going to be a prayer warrior in my older years, I have got to be becoming that warrior now.  As each of our Christian parents and grandparents pass away, we lose all the prayers they would have prayed for us.  They have set the example and it is time for us to get on our own knees and stop depending on them to do the heavenly work for us. So the next time you are bored in the company of old people, just remember that the boring life they have come to may be what allows them the time to invest in prayer for you.  If you have a prayer warrior who loves you, you are blessed indeed.  No telling how many days those warriors prayed for my children more than I did. This dependence on one another as we depend on God is another life lesson of older age. We are all on a journey and each contributing to the other. 

Last year was the most prolonged time I have ever had of being in a valley. While I would never ask to go through such an extended time of trying, I have to say that my awareness of God is at an all-time high.  I am now very aware that all I have is God and am excited beyond my ability to express it to know Him better. It’s like a colorblind person putting on those glasses that allows him to see colors for the first time in his life or a deaf person being given a device to allow him to hear the sounds that have been undetected until now. The more I know of God, the more depth I see that there is to see. My black and white world is now in technicolor and it is amazing!

I do not presume to live one hundred years or even eighty, but if this birthday can be seen as a midpoint in either my life or my adulthood, I want to focus even more in the second half on knowing God, who has allowed us to have a personal relationship with Him. Incredible! I can already see that the troubles I have come through this past year have brought me to a point of growth where I can make decisions that I now need to make. My thinking is now adjusted to be able to think thoughts that never entered my mind but now I have eyes to see and ears to hear. These are obviously decisions the old me would have gotten wrong.

One of the main things I realized at Christmas was that I do not want to attain any new thing as much as I want to keep the things I already have.  I already have the greatest things I could have asked for in this life.  Above all, I have salvation in Jesus Christ.  Not only is heaven guaranteed for me but I can live a life in amazement of Almighty God and grow more like him as I follow him daily.  This is all because I placed my faith in Him, humbling myself and trusting that it takes His perfect blood to cleanse my sinful soul. I have lived a wonderful life, largely at the hands of my parents and husband.  Yes, they have bought me many gifts and provided for my needs, but I am mainly speaking of the life and love they shared with me. I have three off-the-charts children (I won’t enumerate which charts) and we are all in good health.  Do you know how much my life would change if there were a health problem with any one of them?  We coast along as if this is the way we deserve it to be and the way it will always be but it wouldn’t take much to turn our lives upside down and we would then beg God to please put it back how it was when we didn’t realize how wonderful we had it. Good relationships, having everything we need, celebrations, health, freedom—we are rich, People!

So, now you’re thinking that I had a birthday and invited you to my pity party!  That is where I have lived for far too long, though I realize my problems are small (and are not over).  I have close friends whose children or grandchildren have died this year.  In light of that, I have no problems. But any problem can overtake us if we do not lean hard on God and those He has placed in our lives to be His hands. In my case, I needed to learn what true leaning was and to value the blessings I already enjoy. Let me encourage you to see through “I’m fine” and know that everyone is hurting over things they CANNOT tell you. I have gone to church with great needs inside and wanted to hug everyone who gave me a smile or a brief encouragement. You cannot know how much a thirsty soul needs that love.  Why be stingy with it? It’s free and it’s priceless. A kind gesture makes a huge difference.

Fifty feels like it should be my prime—definitely not in looks or memory skills, but to be young enough to do things yet old enough to have learned a lot. If you’re counting by fifties, my birth was a big celebration of which I was not aware and being one hundred would be a big celebration which I doubt I will see, so this is THE birthday that I am now guaranteed and I celebrate it as a milestone of God’s goodness.  I can never thank God enough for my salvation. Heaven will be beyond description. The family and lifestyle He has given me is more than a person could ask. But my salvation is not just about heaven; it is about God changing me. To walk with Him every day and to trust His wisdom and care and to have new understanding of the world and awe of Him with each passing day is a blessing I constantly enjoy and I will enjoy more and more of it every new day that He gives me.

Today is definitely a turning point in my life.  In many ways, it feels like my old life has died and my new life is beginning. I am thankful for everything God brought me through, every blessing He gave me, and every person that contributed to my life, but I am also thankful for the excitement I feel for a future of exploring how good and holy my God is!

Aiken for a Break

I am just back from two nights at the Willcox Inn in Aiken, South Carolina. Our 27th anniversary was nearly a month ago but it is this week that our youngest is at camp so we waited until now to officially celebrate making it to number 27. My husband, Jeff, was in Aiken on business several weeks back and noted the stately inn and quaint town. We needed somewhere not too far from home for getting away and doing absolutely nothing and the Willcox fit the bill.  It is crazy to think that we paid money to stay there two nights while we left our house empty but we have seen the benefits many times of getting away to other scenery and away from the routine and projects facing us at home.  I got nothing done WITHOUT the guilt, thank you very much.

The Willcox Inn was built during an era when Aiken was seen as a winter colony for the well-to-do.  It boasts a guest list that includes the Vanderbilts, FDR, and Winston Churchill and now Jeff and Theresa Beach! The inn has stately white columns out front and a woodsy lobby complete with stone fireplaces on both ends. My appetite for architecture, interior design, and furnishings was well satisfied with plenty of stimuli around every corner.

We had dropped our son off at camp in Greenville and then drove directly to Aiken. Well, actually you can’t drive directly to Aiken from Greenville so we saw places in our home state that we have never seen before.  There are lots of trees in our home state. We have never been more sure of this. Over two hours later, we arrived at the beautiful inn, checked in, and settled in.  

This rail hit about mid-thigh. We had to reach down to turn the doorknobs inside the suite.  I felt really tall at times.

I like the way they dealt with this step and I love drop-leaf tables!

An adorable way to leave an old-world sewing kit on the mantle for guests

After a little rest, we were finally hungry enough for dinner.  While we were still in our church clothes, we decided it would be the best time for our fancy meal of the trip so we went downstairs to the inn’s restaurant and were delighted at every turn.  We got a corner window table and enjoyed the view of each other. The butter for the bread was served on a chilled piece of slate and sprinkled with coarse salt. Jeff’s appetizer of ravioli was beautiful and tasty and something I think I could replicate at home: four ravioli topped with arugula, roasted red peppers, shaved parmesan, and malt vinegar. The colors would be perfect at Christmas. Our filets were spot on and accompanied by a mix of green vegetables. Jeff’s dessert was an espresso mousse sprinkled with what they called “honeycomb” which was like honey brittle. My dessert was a peach and blackberry cardamom sponge cake pudding. We approved.

I like the way this hotel and many others dress their beds.  Our king bed had a fluffy mattress topper and four soft pillows.  The linens were all white and they layer a warm but thin blanket between two flat sheets.  There is a patterned coverlet on top that you can pull up and then a fat duvet which I’m sure comes in handy when it is not July. This bed was quite a bit taller than our bed at home so it took a little getting used to getting out of bed (or I should say getting down from bed) without breaking our necks. There was a little step by the bed but it only complicated matters. 

After a very good night’s rest, Jeff got ready and went to the lobby to drink coffee and read while I enjoyed some self-pampering.  When I finally emerged, we went to the breakfast room in the hotel. They had pastries and menu items that were complimentary; you paid only if you ordered certain items like bacon, so it was nice to have complimentary Mixed Berry French Toast.  I nearly coveted the buffet from which they served the beverages.  It had storage and was plenty long and I have a wall in my dining room waiting for it.  

A beautiful marriage of modern and old-fashioned. That applies to the bathroom as well.

The waitress who served us at breakfast noticed how genteel my husband is and asked, “Is he always so sweet to you?” I replied, "I'm afraid so."  I know how good I have it but every now and again I realize how VERY good I have it.  Our marriage is not without problems, but I am very blessed to be married to a man of integrity who treats me like a queen and more and more as we learn to love each other better.  I guess I made a good bet 27 years ago.

After breakfast we went outside to look at the pool and then for a walk downtown.  Aiken has many one way streets divided by wide medians which create parking spaces on each side or park areas.  It gives a spacious feel to the town and creates a lot of buffer zones. We went into the antique mall and enjoyed commenting on different items to each other. Back on the street, I saw a life-size replica of a horse painted as an American flag and, instantly thinking political party, I said, “Look at that donkey!” My companion got a great laugh out of that and we continued to note the “donkeys” throughout the town, painted with different scenes.

You do not have to be in Aiken long to realize that it is big on horses. There were horse items everywhere although we never saw an actual live horse. The inn and the antique mall were full of horse gear and old pictures of people riding and there are annual events for horse lovers. It’s an equestrian town for sure.

You know you are in an equestrian town when there is a boot jack in your closet.  It even looks like a horse.

Even their leaves look like horses!

After an afternoon of cooling off and resting, we walked to a mid-afternoon lupper at The Pizza Joint.  Our Greek salad was delicious and, when it was all over, we left about half a pizza on the table.  

We decided to enjoy the room for the rest of the evening so we took another nap and called room service to deliver those same two desserts we had the night before.  It tastes better wearing a bath robe. Then Hubby indulged me and watched "The Coffee Shop” movie with me.  By this point I can’t remember what day it is. It is nice every once in a long while to have a day of not looking at the clock but eating when you are hungry and sleeping when you are tired.  I should put tired in quotation marks; “tired” from being lazy!

On our final morning there, we duplicated the previous morning and then headed out to Betsy’s on the Corner, a local diner that was heralded in an article I read of great restaurants in South Carolina.  We had noticed on the website that they serve breakfast on Saturdays until 11am so we figured they must stop serving it earlier on other days. Nope. It meant they serve breakfast ONLY on Saturdays. This town’s business hours were somewhat surprising if not inconvenient. We went just a bit down the road to What’s Cookin’ and had breakfast there.  The grits were substantial and full of herbs.  The rest was so-so and the waitress needed our help to know what to do, bless her heart. But, hey, the local experience is part of the adventure when you travel so we still enjoyed ourselves.

It really seemed like a much longer trip than it was, seeing we were there not even 48 hours. Even a short break can give much refreshment and you will be “chomping at the bit” to get back to your routine with renewed vigor. All those times that I needed a break during the busiest days of my life make me truly thankful for these luxurious getaways. Even at a much more modest price, I am convinced that they are absolutely necessary for the health of a marriage. There is something about removing the usual distractions and cares so that you can be absorbed in one another and interested in every little thought and interest of your spouse. And then there’s THOSE PEOPLE we try not to mention because we are on a MARRIAGE trip and not a PARENT trip…but end up smiling and laughing as we talk about our children anyway. Now we feel all affirmed and relaxed. Time to get back to our lives as we smile and remember a wonderful celebration of our marriage.

Five Days in New York City (Part 2)

Day 3

Mercy. Please. Have mercy on us, Colton! We had seen many of the things we wanted to see already and were glad to have a more sparse itinerary for the rest of the trip.  Colton said that he was going at a slow pace with us and that his usual pace keeps him from spending so much time in the bad smells and heat. Young people these days: so resilient and resourceful.

We enjoyed a leisurely morning with breakfast in the room and had a late morning start to the day.

Our guide came to our room and took us to Brooklyn.  We took some pictures of the bridges and headed to Colton's favorite burger joint Shake Shack.  We hit it just before the rush and managed to get a table.  Yummy!

View fullsize

The Empire State Building in New York framed by the Manhattan Bridge in Brooklyn. This area is called DUMBO: Down Under the Manhattan Bridge Overpass.  Without the Overpass, it would just be DUMB.

View fullsize

View fullsize

My photographer captured the city's reflection in the window behind me.

We took the train to Saint Patrick's Cathedral in Midtown near Rockefeller Center. The architecture is stunning. We sat and took it in. We have a weakness for stained glass and had plenty to look at. The awe and reverence in a church like that is something missing from the structures we meet in today. We have the "relationship" idea down but we would do well to remember that He is GOD.

View fullsize

We walked down 5th Avenue and Colton took us into Ralph Lauren.  I asked him tongue-in-cheek if he wanted to do a little back-to-school shopping.  He looked at the $160 price tag on a pair of sweat pants and said that he didn't need anything today. We took the elevator to the women's section (?) and, tucked in the corner, was a beautiful little pristine coffee shop, little known and hidden from the crowds.  Sit. Air Conditioning. Liquids.

View fullsize

Time to put the adults down for their naps.

Another date night ensued. A little dressier this time.  We took a taxi to Azalea's which proved to be a romantic venue.  The restaurants near Broadway always ask when seating you if you are attending a show.  They have always brought our food promptly and gotten us on our way in plenty of time. 

View fullsize

I had an excellent view. Tip: if you are ever waiting tables and there's a bottle of sparkling water on the table, be aware that one of the diners may be drinking plain water before you top them both off.

We had a short walk around the corner to the Broadway Theatre, one of the few theatres that is actually ON Broadway.  Our show of choice was "Fiddler on the Roof" and it did not disappoint. There were a couple of dance numbers that were all men and they were incredible.  It was so athletic and energetic: it gave me extended moments of childlike delight. One number was of five guys dancing with bottles balanced on their heads.  It was amazing but I was relieved when it was done that no one had dropped his bottle. What a delightful end to a delightful day!

View fullsize

View fullsize

Day 4

Day 4 was Sunday and Colton's church meets in the afternoon.  We met late morning for bacon, egg, and cheese bagels at Brooklyn Bagel and then coffee at Bean and Bean which is on the corner up from the church. Colton instructed us to sit near the only window unit air conditioner at Manor Community Church.  He played the piano for the service which was the most thrilling and moving performance I had heard all week. The people were very friendly. Some come to receive the free food given after the service, meal, and prayer time so there were a variety of social statuses represented. New York is a collection of nationalities and it gives a true sense of being "the church" when you worship with a variety of races.  I was very blessed to sing, worship, and eat with the folks there.  The pastor was sick that day so the interns ran the service and did a fantastic job.  After the song service, Colton had to go change his clothes: he was drenched with sweat.

View fullsize

View fullsize

After church, we had a good chat over some Argo Tea a few blocks away and then parted ways for the day. Time for the old folks to rest again.

It was nearly 8pm when we decided we needed dinner. Jeff looked online for something within walking distance.  I didn't want anything spicy that late so we opted for the steakhouse around the corner.  We decided on Jack's Steakhouse without even looking at the menu. It sounded straightforward enough.  Looking at the menu is always a good idea in NYC because you may not realize that the least expensive item on the menu is $45 and that everything is à la carte.  Once we were there and saw the menu, we decided to stay and make a nice meal of it.  Plus we were too tired to walk anywhere else. Just kidding. The filet mignon was delicious and we followed up with cheesecake and apple strudel, beautifully presented.

View fullsize

Day 5

Our final day had arrived so we ate breakfast in the hotel and packed our bags.  Our flight was not until 8pm (so we thought) so the hotel stored our bags until we came back for them that evening.  We put things we wanted for the flight in the outside pockets of our suitcases so we could get them before checking our bags at the airport.

Jeff used an app to find our way to the Metropolitan Museum of Art which is located on the east side of Central Park.  The subway we took got us to the west side and then we took a bus across the park. This museum is beyond huge and beyond amazing.  I already knew that we would only get a sampling of it this day.  I read a New Yorker's comment that she had been over 30 times and sees new things every time she goes. Jeff wanted most to see the modern art and I the impressionists.  That is a little insight into our personalities.  We each enjoyed all of it.  I saw a few things I wouldn't mind having for the house but I didn't see any price tags. We enjoyed a delightful déjeuner at one of the museum's restaurants.  The corn soup was delicious and the $18 chicken sandwich was plenty for two. 

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

Monet

View fullsize

Degas

We met Colton and walked to Eclair, a pastry shop. We took our purchase to a coffee shop near Grand Central called Ground Central. It was loud and crowded but a kind young lady gave up her couch so the three of us could sit together in the cozy, dimly lit back room decorated like a private library. I enjoyed my cheesecake eclair there. 

View fullsize

When we came out of the subway, it was raining so we stepped inside the Bank of America building until it subsided.  My husband felt we had the right since he works for the company and apparently owns the building. We finally made it to the NY Public Library and, after doing our thigh-burning stair climbers for the day, enjoyed sitting in a large air-conditioned room to look for dinner options now that we were getting notifications of our delayed flight due to storms in the area. We decided on a barbecue place that Colton liked near our hotel but it was pouring when we tried to leave Penn Station so we just went to their food court in the subway and ate pizza. 

View fullsize

The rain was down to a drizzle now so we enjoyed the cool mist as we walked to our hotel lobby.  We got our bags and hung out for a while in the beautiful lobby while listening to a mom absolutely yelling and swearing at her children.  It obviously was not worth it to take them to Queens from the Bronx at that hour and then have to go back and get them tonight so she wanted to take them tomorrow but they just didn't understand why that was better. This was pleasant. She finally stormed out. I had seen another short-tempered mom on the subway who snapped and jerked from the children when they were doing nothing wrong.  I saw many nannies with children who treated them well.  I know these were isolated incidents but I saw that maybe it is better for a nanny to be with the children all day if there are moms who would treat them cruelly.

View fullsize

Colton walked us down to the taxi stand in front of Penn Station and sent us off to the airport. We saw a complete rainbow beginning to end as we went and got more flight delay notifications along the way.  Our 8pm flight departed at 11:45pm.  Even after seeing how he is thriving there and knowing that he is a 22 year old man, my heart was tugged as we flew out of the city, farther and farther away from our son.  He will be home in three weeks.  That helps.

GertRUDE sat in front of me on the plane, making fun of the flight attendant with her friend. Grow up, Gertrude.

We drove our own van out of the airport garage at 2am on the empty, silent streets. The silence made me feel that my ears were clogged but they weren't.  We wisely had planned for the day after the trip to be a rest day. And it definitely was.

We knew we wanted to experience new things in New York this trip but also knew that there is no way to see it all in one visit. We will take little nibbles of that Big Apple each trip and do it at an enjoyable, unfrenzied pace, seeing new things each time and revisiting our favorites. We had other uses for the money we spent but sometimes it is just TIME TO GO. Travel matures you and opens your eyes and mind.  Things are very different in other places.  This can make you thankful for what you have and give you ideas on how to improve it. It is good to experience other cultures and flavors and sights. It is amazing to see the God-given abilities people have and what they have done with the raw materials God provided in the earth. It all leaves me in more awe of God than before. 

Long before I started blogging, I wrote of our 2010 trip in a Facebook note.  I read it this week and then managed to delete it 😳 but the ending was so poignant.  I wrote that we took Colton on the trip when he was sixteen to expose him to other places, to encourage him to follow his dreams, and to show him that he was big stuff with us and that we wanted to celebrate him in a big way.  I do not know if it is ironic or providential that he now wants to live in NYC. He IS following his dream and pursuing the direction of God's calling on his life. I've been viewing the tapestry from the back all his life and now am getting glimpses of the front.

New York City is an amazing place.  I saw many impressive scenes there but I was most impressed with my two men.  When I look to my left or right, that same man is always by my side wherever life takes me.  He's there with an outstretched hand to help me up and help me out and that hand is constantly reaching for mine so that we can go together. He's there to stand between me and any threat and is clearing the way and bearing the load.  He's mighty handy to have around and I think my identity as a lady comes largely from the fact that I am so well-treated by this true gentleman.  New York City was marvelous but it only served as another backdrop for watching this lifelong marvel that I observe daily in my husband. After the tea and lipstick are gone, he will be the souvenir from my trip that I get to 🐝keep.

The other marvel I observed in New York is a little boy whose legs have now grown long and whose hand no longer needs to reach for mine.  I recognize him simultaneously as child and man and simultaneously shudder and cheer to see him roaming freely around New York. This man's unending energy is a great partner to his unquenchable infatuation with the city that never sleeps.  He has a way of coming to right conclusions and seeing through to the heart of a matter.  He so quickly volunteers to serve, whether it is filling our hotel ice bucket or giving food to the poor. To see him respect and serve all people makes this mom mighty proud. He lives by faith believing that God will guide his steps to work out the purpose for which he was designed and willing to do today whatever the Lord has led him to at this point.

I enjoy many elements of my life including travel. However, nothing I saw in NYC trumps the consistent joy that results from being a Christian, a wife, and a mother. That goes with me everywhere. You may never see New York in person or be a wife or a mother, but we can all have Jesus and that is joy enough for this life and the next.

Five Days in New York City (Part 1)

Our son Colton is spending his second summer in New York City so, when our younger two children decided to go to camp for the same two weeks, we decided to go during that time to visit our eldest.  We wanted to be able to spend time with him and to also have some time as a couple while we were there.  He served as an excellent personal tour guide.  He has learned the subway system and has found lots of wonderful, air-conditioned coffee shops.  

We had taken him to NYC for his sixteenth birthday trip in January of 2010, so now we have been there together through the cold of winter and the heat of summer.  It gets much colder there in the winter than here in the south and nearly as hot in the summer but the great difference in impact is that you are out in it up there walking from place to place.  Here we walk from the car to the building or never even get out in the weather with a garage at home and at work.

We managed to buy my husband's airline ticket with Skymiles and mine with VISA points so our only cost for flying was the $25 baggage fee per checked bag per way.  We got direct flights and were slated to be in NYC by 9:15am. Our returning flight was to leave at 8pm so we would be getting our full money's worth out of the hotel for those days by having a full day on both ends of the trip. Our flight ended up being delayed so we arrived in NYC about noon. This confirmed the lesson I learned the last time we went there and that is to not have firm plans the day of your arrival--nothing you have tickets for or that starts at a certain time.  Between flight delays and travel exhaustion, your plans need to be flexible on arrival day.

View fullsize

First glimpse flying in

We walked to the baggage claim and my suitcase was the first one out and arrived just as we did.  My husband's followed soon after and we were out the door. Jeff had arranged for a driver to take us to our hotel.  Mario was polite to play his music softly but I do need to teach him some driving etiquette. All in all, a smooth trip...for NYC.

View fullsize

View from hotel rooftop

We checked in to the hotel and I became puzzled when Colton called and asked if we were almost to the hotel where he was waiting for us. It didn't take long for us to realize that we booked a different Fairfield Inn than the one we spent much time choosing on TripAdvisor.  Come to find out, there are three Fairfield Inns in midtown.  The front desk was gracious to allow us to spend just the first night there and then switch over to the hotel we had intended to book.  They actually made the arrangements for us.

Colton finally found us and showed us the way to Lemony, a Greek place he likes for their French-fry-laden yeeros (and, yes, that's how they spell it).  On our way there, I saw many flower shops. They put tons of plants and flowers out on the sidewalk every day and create walkways through them.  How I would love to live near such a place and make fresh arrangements with their unusual flowers! There were fabric shop windows that gave me similar longings. No sooner did I get past the wonderful smell of flowers than I saw a homeless couple fast asleep on the sidewalk.  That's how it is in the big city:  something wonderful followed by someone's horrible reality in constant sequence. For the next four days when we were walking the streets, I would breathe in a different smell with each breath: flowers, coffee, urine, laundry soap, B.O., perfume, trash, cinnamon, exhaust, etc. The same with sounds and sights. It trains you to expect anything next.

View fullsize

View fullsize

We then made our way to Stumptown Coffee.  I do not drink coffee but my men said that it was good stuff.  It was a very hipster hangout with a large back room where people were talking and working on laptops.

This may be where we took our first subway ride of the week. We each had a 7-day unlimited ride ticket that cost $32. We used it a lot while there and got our money's worth. Houston Street is pronounced House-ton.  Just so you know.

Off to Battery Park we went where we saw Lady Liberty in the distance.

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

We continued on around until we found a shady place to sit and talk.  We then made our way to the 9/11 Memorial where we saw the two fountains memorializing the victims of 9/11.  

View fullsize

They are waterfall fountains built in the footprints of the twin towers.  The sound of the constant water creates a peaceful, serene atmosphere.  People would talk but no one was being loud.  I wasn't prepared for the tears that came.  This was the WHERE. I know the WHAT, the HOW, the WHY, and the WHEN, but it was the overwhelming WHO that was too much to consider: the thousands that died undeservedly and unexpectedly and the families and friends who still mourn them. We all mourn them. It was beautiful to see every name carved in the memorial. Every life matters. The new One World Trade Center tower stands tall and represents resilience but the theme of respect rang loud and clear to me.  

The trees planted on the grounds are from the states that endured the attacks on 9/11 and it was neat to see the survivor tree--the only tree that withstood everything that went on in that place in 2001. 

View fullsize

We then went to see the Oculus, a new subway station still under construction that costs $4 billion.

View fullsize

It is massive.  It connects directly to Brookfield Place. This is a very beautiful, new, expensive mall (unless $1200 shoes is your norm). There is a gourmet food court on the second level where I shared a fantastic barbecue sandwich and Dirty Fries with Colton from Mighty Quinn's Barbecue.  We realized we never bought the phone charger we needed that day so Colton took off to SoHo to get one.  Jeff and I wandered around Le District downstairs, a French market.  There we found many wonderful pastries and chocolates.  I bought a variety box of teas. We enjoyed some of the pastries and graciously left a bite of each for Colton. We wandered outside and rested while watching people walk, jog, skateboard, and ride bikes along the battery. It was a beautiful evening.  

View fullsize

View fullsize

When Colton returned, he showed us the way by subway to go to Hoboken, New Jersey, just across the Hudson.  It was dark by then and we sat in the park and gazed at the beautiful city lights of New York. Colton pointed out the areas of town from top to bottom: uptown, midtown, the villages, and FiDi (the Financial District).  Times Square was recognized by how it lit up the sky above it. We made our way back to our hotel and slept hard after a day of over 13,000 steps in temperatures in the upper 90's.

View fullsize

Day 2

I awoke to construction noise and distant honking car horns. Mr. Wonderful got up and got dressed to go get the hotel breakfast for me.  I felt like I could rest a long while more.  Comfortable shoes are a must when pounding the pavement of a big city.  My lack of energy would require a slower pace today. Alternating indoor (air conditioned) and outdoor activities and sitting and standing activities is also a good idea.

Our first item of the day was to switch to the right hotel. We walked it, thankful for suitcases with wheels. The new hotel was a great improvement: beside Penn Station and Madison Square Garden, bigger, nicer, newer.  There was actually space to put our suitcases on the floor of our room!

Next we went to the original Joe's Pizza and ate it in Washington Square Park near the huge arch and watched children play in the fountain and listened to a bluegrass group.  Shade was high in demand. We made the mistake of ordering a smoothie from a food truck without asking the price first.  Our guide clued us in on how to do better next time.

View fullsize

We took the bus (which also used our metro card) to our next destination. It was an overall good experience to travel through town and see the sights seated and in air conditioning.  At one point the driver had to slam on brakes because a vendor's cart got away from him and went into the street.  My husband hurt his arm against the rail in front of him but it did not cause any ongoing problem. We walked through Little Italy and had some refreshing Greek yogurt at Greecologies.  There are lights strung between the buildings and, as in many cases throughout the week, I wish I could have seen it at night although I usually was longing to nest in my bed with a cup of tea in the evenings. Little Italy was quaint and to think that I saw it on Mulberry Street! Colton had told me about a coffee shop called Maman he thought I would like. It was French and used blue and white china.  He took us there and he was right:  I loved it!  Their paper cups were printed in the pattern also. I'm going to try to replicate a quinoa dish I saw at a glance there.  

View fullsize

Next up was Grand Central Station.  The architecture is beautiful with thick mouldings and constellations painted on the ceiling.  Colton told us how valuable each of the four faces of the clock are and how amazing it is that they weren't stolen back when the station fell into disrepair. Grand Central is the station that takes trains to Connecticut while Penn Station takes trains to New Jersey.

View fullsize

My men indulged me to look in Sephora on 5th Avenue. I have been watching a small makeup company named Besamé and the Sephora in our mall at home carries only two of their lipsticks.  I was sure this NYC Sephora would carry the whole line but was disappointed to find that they carried the same two shades and nothing more.  I bought the Red Velvet with some of my birthday money. Thanks, Mom and Dad! 💋

Colton had plans with friends for the evening so he took us to our room and gave instructions for taking the subway to our evening plans.  We rested and freshened up, a little nervous to try the subway system without our guide. We learned quickly that it is not enough to know which train to take; you first have to know how to interpret the signs in the subway to FIND the train.  It is important to know that there are layers of trains.  There can be up to five levels of trains, over and below each other under the ground.  This requires taking stairs or elevators or escalators to the other levels.  After thinking hard and sending pictures of the signs to Colton, we finally got a "Yes" and got the right train on the first try. We had chosen a restaurant within walking distance from our event so we now could relax.

Rosa Mexicano had good reviews and turned out to be an excellent choice.  We had reservations and were seated immediately.  The two-story wall beside the stairs had water trickling down it and there must have been 200 little diving men mounted on it in varying stages of their dive. It was a large restaurant with a portable cart used to make guacamole tableside. I learned a new way to peel an avocado. The service was excellent and the food was very good. It was nice to have a little smaller portion so that we had room for dessert: warm churros (Mexican doughnuts) with chocolate and raspberry sauces. Yes, indeed!

View fullsize

Next we headed a few blocks over to the Lincoln Center for a free Mostly Mozart outdoor concert. We walked two sides of the block to get to the end of the line for admission (bag check) but it moved fairly quickly and we were in our seats in plenty of time. It was slightly sweltering but the sun was setting and there was an occasional welcome breeze. The violin concerto was remarkable and "Jupiter" was delightful as always.  A ten-year-old (I'm guessing) ballerina took it upon herself to dance throughout the entire concert up and down the side of our section.  Some of the older folks found her enchanting and some video-taped her. I wondered where her parents were.  We hadn't chosen an evening of amateur ballet but of music.  If everybody did.... That's the drawback of a free concert. Fortunately, I was at an angle to block her out and enjoy the orchestra. Now for the subway.

View fullsize

We did fine and met Colton at his favorite gelato shop called Amorino's.  He has taken many guests there including missions teams so the owner greets him and calls him the Boss when he comes in.  They even put a free macaroon on his gelato. That's good business.  That owner works it and it shows. When you order a cone, they use two flavors and arrange the slabs to make a rose. So pretty and refreshing.

View fullsize

And that is the end of a 15,000 step day. 

[See Part 2]

Following Up: A Little Habit that Makes A Big Difference

There are those who do things the way the masses do them, and then there are those who have a quality of excellence about them. We tend to trust and respect them more. One of those excellent qualities is following up. It comes from a sense of friendliness, gratitude, organization,  and respect. Following up sets a person apart.  You get the feeling that someone is professional when they wrap up loose ends after a meeting or conversation. It tells you that you are not "out of sight, out of mind" with them.  

We are so accustomed to hearing "Thank you so much!" that it has nearly lost its meaning.   A follow up message lets the person know that it REALLY WAS good to talk to him and reminds him that you have not forgotten about your conversation. 

My husband and I notice when people are responsive and when people are not.  Some have lost job and other ministry opportunities because they waited so long to respond. Either someone else snatched up the opportunity while he dragged his feet or the decision-maker realized that he would not want to work with someone who took so long to respond.  It is a matter of being considerate.  If someone is nice enough to make you an offer, be nice enough to give them a response.

📍"He's really good about responding quickly.  I sent that email out just an hour ago and he has already replied."

📍"He said he would get back with me by yesterday and I haven't heard from him."

📍"It's obvious why she has risen to where she is.  She is very responsive."

I'm beginning to think that not responding is the most severe form of disrespect. I require an answer from my children when I speak to them.  Imagine if you stood face to face with someone and asked them a question and they just looked at you in silence or walked away without answering.  That is a figurative slap in the face.  It says "You aren't worth wasting my breath. You are invisible to me." 

I have felt this way when greeting people I know and they look the other way. In our country, even a smile should be answered with a smile. An initiated communication requires a response unless it is inappropriate. When you know someone that is considered "the nicest guy you could ever want to meet," it is probably because he esteems every person highly, showing interest in them, and responding to every thing they mention.

Let's consider some common situations that require follow up.

✍🏻Exchange of information
If you have announced information, keep people updated on any changes. It would help if you would let them know when they can expect the update so they do not have to ask.

📍"Thank you for all of the well wishes and prayers for my uncle.  He is doing much better and went home from the hospital today."

📍"I am happy to announce that we reached our goal for the fundraiser!"

📍"She played beautifully! We will not know the results until 4pm."

✍🏻Asked a question or given a task
Update people as to your progress from time to time on projects they have assigned you. Respond to texts or emails so that they know you received them. You may not have a final answer for them but at least they know you received the communication.

If you do not get back with them, they might suspect that you never got the communication or that you forgot about it or that things are going poorly. If it turns out that you did not receive the communication OR that the progress is slow, they may be in a bind on the due date. Remember that many managers answer to others so they need to know how the project is coming along. I would venture to say that the one who keeps a manager updated on progress would be more likely to get the promotion. Communication is key. People do not like to be left wondering.

If the ball is in your court, you should be initiating communication to keep others informed of your progress.  It's like when your child has to ask you "Did you like my picture?" That's when you know you've blown it.  They had to elicit your approval because you were too late with it.  Being mature means taking care of your affairs without others having to make you do it.

📍"I got your email and I will get on this Monday."  

📍"The envelopes are stuffed.  As soon as we get stamps in the morning, we will put them in the mail.".

📍"Got it. Will let you know soon."

✍🏻Responding to invitations

The letters RSVP stand for the French phrase "respondez, s'il vous plait" which means "respond, please". My iPhone is obviously not familiar with the term; it auto-corrects "rsvp" as "taco" because the letters are adjacent to one another. Notice that it does not mean "respond if you CAN come" or "respond if you CANNOT come".  It just says "respond". Either way. 

There are plenty of reasons the host would need a response.  Perhaps she has capacity for only twenty and, if you cannot attend, she could give your spot to someone else.  I have wanted to invite a list of people but had room for only twenty.  I had to save spots for those who did not respond in case they DID show up, but when they did not, I had a low turn-out when I could have invited folks that I would really have liked to invite.  It's rude not to respond to an invitation. 

Other reasons the host could need a response is to avoid foods she may know you are allergic to, in case she is personalizing place cards, to be sure everyone has a fellow guest he knows and is comfortable talking to, to have enough party favors, and to know the party can begin because everyone has arrived. 

Some invitations may ask you to respond with "regrets only".  That means the host is holding a place for you until you let her know otherwise.  I have developed a habit of not giving a reason for regrets.  I personally do not expect my guests to explain why they cannot attend and hope that they are not pressured to come if they do not want to explain.  There are times that the reason is just too personal.  Sometimes folks have been going so hard that they just need an evening at home with family to rest. Sometimes family relations are so stressed that they cannot manage to go out and act jolly.  They may be allergic to your pet and do not want to hurt your feelings by broaching such an emotional subject.  There are so many possible reasons and it is not up to me to approve of a reason. I asked if they could come and all I need to know is yes or no. Let's give one another grace and not pry for an explanation. We can be Christlike in this. Jesus invites us to come to Him and leaves it to us to accept or reject His invitation. He does not force us.

If you said you were going to go and now you cannot, let your host know as soon as possible.  Do not be a no-show.  

📍"Just wanted you to know I haven't forgotten about the banquet.  I'm waiting for a reply from a coworker before I know if I'm able to go." 

📍"I really want to go to your party but am just not feeling better yet.  How late can I respond?"

It's nice to give options for another time if you are unable to go. This lets the inviter know that it's not that you do not like them.

📍"I cannot go to your party but let's make a lunch date soon!"

📍"We cannot come for dinner Friday. Do you have any other night this week available?"

✍🏻After receiving a gift or being a guest
When someone sacrifices their money, time, or a great deal of effort for you, you should thank them with a note.  It is not for every time someone holds a door for you or does some simple act of kindness.  A simple "Thank you" will do for that, but when someone has singled you out and gone out of their way for you, a thank you note is appropriate.  

View fullsize

A thank you note left on my guest bed

Keep thank you notes on hand so that you can respond to them quickly while the sentiment is fresh and you do not have to begin with an apology for being late. Mention the gift, party, or favor and express your gratitude for it. Mention how fitting and enjoyable it is or was and of your hope for future use of the gift or connection with the giver.

📍"Thank you for having us over for dinner last night. It was such a treat to walk in and sit down to a delicious meal. I need your chocolate cake recipe! My family talked about it all the way home. The highlight of the evening was the fellowship and laughter we shared. What a refreshing evening with good friends. Thanks so much! See you at Bible study."

We should feel very honored (because we are) when people invite us to an event they are hosting.  I'm not talking about inviting us to somewhere they can market to us and use us as prospects.  That's well and good IF you have shown interest, but for someone to host a party and include you on the guest list is an honor.  I have given many a gathering and I can tell you that it is a lot of expense and work, even if you have it down to a science. 

In today's age of electronic communication, we have no excuse not to follow up with people.  A text within 24 hours of an act of kindness is very nice and adds sincerity to your spoken thanks.   This works fine in place of a note for something that deserves more than just a spoken word.

📍 "We had a great time at the reception last night. Thanks so much for inviting us and congratulations!"

✍🏻After a meeting or event
A follow-up call or note, whether written or emailed, is impressive after a meeting. Just think of it as an online review after leaving a restaurant. Of course, only the positive comments should be made publicly to a friend.

📍"It was very nice to meet you, Bob. Have a great day."

📍"Your lecture really struck a chord with me. I have been wrestling with that very issue and you gave some real help. Thank you for all the work you put into it."

📍"That meeting was well organized and efficient! Thanks for not wasting my time."

You can see how follow up is a very practical way to be an encourager. We all need encouragement and, if you have ever put work into writing or teaching or cooking or ANYTHING, you know that a little appreciation goes a long way and changes the whole experience for you. We Christians do all we do to please God but nice comments from others can keep us encouraged on life's journey. If we know to do this good thing, it would be wrong not to do it. Gratitude is good for the giver and the recipient.

When in doubt, follow up. 

Celebrating Your Child's Birthdays

Birthdays have a way of bringing out the little kid in you.  I've had 48 of them but I still feel excited when my day approaches.

Why do we celebrate birthdays?  Although life is a gift to be celebrated every day, a birthday is an excuse to purposely focus on the birthday person once a year on his day. We celebrate the fact that we love him, that God has granted him life to this milestone, and to note his growth and achievements.

We have to constantly work at a balance between teaching our children "You're SO special" and "You're not THAT special". Granted if my husband and I erred, it was on the "You're so special" side.  You could do far less than we did and still have a confident, happy child.

We can put ourselves through a lot of stress and spend a lot of money throwing birthday parties for children but does it accomplish what we want it to accomplish?  You would probably come out cheaper to just skip the party and buy all the gifts yourself that would have been given.  If all of your friends' and siblings' kids have parties every year, you are spending way too much time shopping, wrapping, and attending parties and spending way too much money to help children become materialistic.  A birthday is a special day but it is not a national holiday.  Let's not convince the children that they are the center of the universe. They need a sense of reality. Otherwise, special things become commonplace to them and that robs them of joy.

My husband and I varied the type of birthday celebration purposely for several reasons.  There were things we wanted our children to experience while they lived in our home.  To incorporate it into their birthday celebration killed two birds with one stone from the financial and effort/time point of view. To celebrate different ways made it fresh rather than just another birthday party.  We do not like to ask people for money and inviting a child to your child's birthday party is asking for money.  Our children got that fun when they were four in a big way and at other birthdays in small ways.  We wanted our children to know that celebrations were not just about gimme gimme.  They had their special birthdays to look forward to and they saw that we were completely fair to all of them, yet we fit the celebration to each child. 

The children also learned budgeting with our spacing of the birthday celebrations.  A trip is much more expensive than a party or big gift so they understood that trips were rare.  By taking some years off, we were able to afford the trips.  The progression marked time and ages as we saw that it was time for each one's special birthday.

We had a special birthday celebration every three years. If we had had more children, this may have been more than we could handle but it worked well for us.  Since we knew 1, 10, 13, and 16 would be big birthdays, we filled in the gaps with 4 and 7 and it made perfect sense. 

🍰 1st birthday
We invited grandparents for cake and presents.  We let the baby eat his cake however he wanted. (Of course everyone wanted to see him put his hand in his cake and make a mess.  It was funny to see the personalities come out even at one year old.  The first born would hardly touch it, the second child played in it and ate it with her hands, and the final child made a colossal mess!) There's no need to do too much for this birthday.  The child will not remember it and has no understanding of what things cost.  Most of the money you spend will be for the adults' enjoyment.  You'd about as well grill steaks for the adults and give the baby a piece of cake, a birthday hat, and a squeaky toy. Everyone will be as happy as could be while celebrating the first of what you hope and pray are many birthdays to come.

🎉 4th birthday
By this time, the child has lots of little friends and having a big themed party is very exciting to them. This is a good age for a party because you are not asking too much since gifts for a four year old are simple and inexpensive. Be sure to have plenty of adult supervision. Every child that attends will have almost as much fun as the birthday child and will hopefully get their money's worth out of the gift they purchased. Fit the theme to the child.  Our first child is Colton, named for his paternal grandmother Cole, so we had an Ole King Colton party.  Our daughter had a dress-up party and our youngest had a fire engine party.

View fullsize

View fullsize

✈️ 7th birthday
At the 7th birthday, the child may still have the toys he got for his 4th birthday.  He's getting old enough for an adventure. For the 7th birthday, each of our children went on a flight with Dad since I had other kids to care for and Jeff likes flying more than I do. This plan also worked to  nurture a bond with Dad during an age when a bond with Mom comes naturally. We chose the Grand Canyon for the first child because it is so iconic and so our airplane-enamored boy would have a nice long flight.  (I did not know that there are not protective rails all around the Grand Canyon.  I am still thanking God for His protection!) At the time of our daughter's 7th birthday, her new girl cousin was born in Florida so they flew to visit her.  The youngest got a couple of days at Disney since he was a toddler the last time we went.

View fullsize

🎁 10th birthday
By the 10th birthday, it's time for a big gift since the child is transitioning from little child to teen. There is usually some big item that would be nice for them to have by this time.  Our first child got a treehouse.  It cost more than we would have spent on a birthday gift so it was part of his Christmas, too (they are a month apart).  We also knew that the younger two would get many years of use from the treehouse.  Our daughter got a desk and our youngest got an art table. They had a few friends over for cake.

View fullsize

🔎 13th birthday
We had a scavenger hunt with 3-4 friends for this birthday and it was so much fun! It was fun for me to create the clues and to watch the children solve them, and it was lots of fun for the kids. They  love solving riddles at this age. I came up with this idea when I made a few riddles for the boys to solve as a game at our first child's 10th birthday.  They found prizes after the final clue.  They had so much fun with it that I knew they would love a more involved scavenger hunt for the 13th birthday party.  Once they came up with the right answer, we would drive them to that place for the next clue.  There was lots of laughter at these parties.

View fullsize

👪 16th birthday
At this age, friends are a huge part of a child's life and they spend a lot of time with them so the final birthday celebration was a trip for just the birthday child and his Mom and Dad.  He is getting close to leaving home at this age and is old enough to enjoy the trip, understand the sacrifice you are making just to celebrate him, and remember it in detail. It is a great time to single out that child from his siblings, and to show him how very much he means to you and that there is a big world out there. We knew our theatre- and concert-loving child would love New York City (We had no idea how much!), but the next child was into photographing scenic places and athletic activities so we took her to a mountain resort that included all of that called The Homestead in Virginia.  Our third child is a mix of the two so we will see where we take him next year.  

View fullsize

View fullsize

The next few years are monumental but the child will very likely be at college when he celebrates them unless he has a summer birthday. Money is usually more scarce with a child in college anyway and the kids mature to the point of realizing that all they really want is time with friends and family for their birthdays.
18th--become an official adult
19th--last teen year
20th--begin new (first adult) decade

This schedule meant that the child would get 6 special birthday celebrations during his childhood.  Doing this with multiple children meant planning and budgeting for a special birthday often enough.  The variety kept me from having to plan a big party every year.  Sometimes I was researching the big gift, sometimes planning a trip, and sometimes making up clues to a scavenger hunt.  Each type of celebration was fun for that age child.  

Instead of just looking forward to a present, they looked forward to different types of things.  They got a few presents for each birthday but I'm sure they can't remember what they were.  I am sure that they haven't forgotten their activities though.  Gifts break or get passed down to the next kid when you get too old for them.  You can't break or pass down a trip with your parents where you were the center of their attention for four days. You get to keep that forever.

The timing of my children reaching these ages turned out like this:

🍰1995 Colton's 1st birthday
🎉1998 Colton's Ole King Colton party
🍰1999 Evy's 1st birthday
✈️2001 Colton's Grand Canyon flight
🍰2002 Capers' 1st birthday
🎉2002 Evy's dress up party
🎁2004 Colton's tree house
🎉2005 Capers' fire engine party
✈️2005 Evy's Florida flight
🔎2007 Colton's scavenger hunt
✈️2008 Capers' Disney World flight
🎁2008 Evy's desk
👪2010 Colton's NYC trip
🎁2011 Capers' art table
🔎2011 Evy's scavenger hunt
🔎2014 Capers' scavenger hunt
👨‍👩‍👧2014 Evy's Homestead trip
👪2017 Capers' trip with Mom and Dad

Really the only official parties they got were a big one at four and a small one at thirteen.

And don't forget that Christmas comes EVERY year.  

With multiple children, it is good to teach them that it is not always their turn.  You may have seen someone give a present to a younger child on an older child's birthday because they were "afraid the younger child wouldn't understand". That seems sweet but it really does both children a disservice.  Let the jealous tears flow. Tears often mean you are maturing.  Their birthday is coming but this is someone else's day.  To give another child a gift cheapens the birthday child's day.  They need to learn to be happy for someone during that person's special time. Rejoice with those who rejoice.  Give a sympathetic pat on the head to those who weep, but do not give them a present. If you do, they will be looking for how they can gain at every occasion.

We can get carried away when planning a celebration.  We may have feelings of going all out and impressing everyone or one-upping someone else's party. We must remember to make the celebration fun for the child. It doesn't always take such fancy things as we imagine. Ask yourself "Am I worried about what someone else will think?"  We should only be concerned with what the birthday child will think, and if they think it's great then you're good.

I remember as a child being so excited that someone wrapped a present for me in a very special, creative way.  I have no idea what the present was.  In fact, I don't remember anything I got for that birthday but I do remember how I felt when I saw how my gift was wrapped.  Know what they did?  They taped a stick of gum and a few pieces of candy to the wrapping paper.  So easy and inexpensive in an adult's eyes but so much fun to a child!

View fullsize

Something happened at Capers' fourth birthday party that illustrates this well.  I had the cutest fireman-themed games prepared.  I was looking forward to wowing the kids and watching them have fun.  When it was time for games, the kids were running around laughing, swinging, and playing in the treehouse.  I realized that it would be hard to gather them and organize them into having fun MY way.  They were already having a blast!  Why should I stop them? They couldn't have had MORE fun playing my games than they were already having. How ridiculous to say "OK, Everybody. Stop laughing and having fun so you can hear Mrs. Beach teach you how to play this game. Isn't Mrs. Beach clever?" My cute little games never got played and those kids never knew it or cared.  They just knew that they had a great time at Capers' party.  We must be careful to not overwhelm the children with what we think might be fun but let them do what they would truly enjoy at their age. Enough is enough and too much is too much.

We used birthdays to celebrate our children and to give them unforgettable experiences. We tried not to create stingy brats but to show them that they are unique and that we did the best we could to give them a happy life. We wanted to teach them that experiences with people are far more valuable than things and that expressing love through sacrifice is the greatest gift of all.

A Recipe for Success

I have heard people say "I can't cook." Granted not all of us can call ourselves good cooks but we can all at least follow a well-written recipe.  The more experience you have, the more comfortable and knowledgeable you are about cooking. However, a basic knowledge of recipe format and cooking terms is necessary to follow a recipe correctly so let's start by learning about the structure of a recipe.

There are two sections to what we call a standard form recipe: the ingredients and the method. The ingredients are listed first and tell you what items are needed to make the recipe. The method tells you what to do with the ingredients.

Ingredients:
🍓Ingredients are listed in the order used.  

The order the ingredients are listed should be the same order they are called for in the method.

Sometimes water, salt, pepper and a small amount of flour for flouring a cake pan or oil for frying are not listed but are called for in the method. These are basics that are assumed you would have available.

🍓Be specific when listing ingredients and give all information needed, especially size or amount.

Refer to the size of a can by ounces, not by calling it large or small.  Large and small are relative meaning you would have to compare it to the other sizes to know if it is large or small.

Put can size in parentheses when using a number in front such as 2 (15 oz) cans.  This prevents it from looking like 215 oz cans.

Flour refers to all-purpose (or plain) flour unless otherwise specified.

Realize that "½ cup chopped pecans" and "½ cup pecans, chopped" may come out to be two different amounts of pecans.

Specify the state of the butter: softened, room temperature, cold, melted.

We measure butter and margarine in tablespoons and cups, not sticks. A stick of butter or margarine is equal to 1/2 cup. 

It will settle any confusion if you specify drained or undrained any time you refer to using canned food. For example, "2 (15 oz) cans diced tomatoes, undrained".

I like to include the ingredient preparation information in the ingredient list. This helps when you want to get some of the prep done ahead such as chopping, softening, and toasting. For example, "1 chicken breast, cooked, boned, and chopped" rather than "1 chicken breast" listed in the ingredients and then finding out in the method that you need to cook, bone, and chop it.

🍓Use generic names rather than brand names.

Call for "whipped topping" instead of "Cool Whip" and "chocolate sandwich cookies" instead of "Oreos".  That specific name brand may not be available everywhere the recipe is used and other brands may work just as well.

🍓 An ingredient is capitalized only if it is a proper name.  

Some examples of ingredients to capitalize are Parmesan cheese, Worcestershire sauce, and Dijon mustard.  I have found this list to be very helpful.

Capitalize the abbreviation for tablespoon (T or Tbsp) to differentiate from a teaspoon (t or tsp).

🍓Use the appropriate abbreviations in the ingredient list.

c = cup
t or tsp = teaspoon
T or Tbsp = tablespoon
oz = ounce
lb = pound
pt = pint
qt = quart
gal = gallon

There is no need to put a period after each measurement abbreviation.

Do not use "of" in the ingredient list. For example, not "1 c of sugar" but "1 c sugar".

🍓Group ingredients together to make the recipe easier to read.

Bracketing ingredients helps to show which ingredients go in together. 

You could list ingredients under headings such as crust, filling, topping, and sauce to divide those ingredients from the rest in a complicated recipe that has different layers.

Sometimes you will see the word "divided" after an ingredient on a recipe. This means you will need part of that amount at one point and the rest at another point, but not the whole amount at once.

View fullsize

Method:
🍰Give thought to the most efficient order of steps to avoid using unnecessary steps and dishes.  

Instead of melting butter in a small dish and pouring it into a mixing bowl, you could melt it in the mixing bowl and then add the remaining ingredients. 

Give the instructions in the correct order rather than after the fact such as "layer in a 9x13" pan that has been greased".

🍰Give oven temperature, cooking times, and specific sizes of cookware.

Most dishes bake at 350° but you should specify on each recipe.  (You can type the degree symbol by holding down the zero on your touchscreen and sliding up to the symbol.) 

You can indicate a small or large saucepan or 2-quart casserole dish.  You can usually guess what size dish by the quantity of ingredients the recipe asks you to put in it.

🍰Give all necessary instructions.

The more information listed with the ingredients, the easier the recipe will be to follow. However, there are usually other instructions needed.

Do not use abbreviations in the method. 

Specify whether the pan should be greased (not "sprayed") and whether the dish should be baked covered or uncovered.

Each recipe card should have:

🔹Title of recipe (all words capitalized)
🔹Category (optional, for filing)
🔹Source: where you got it (magazine, cookbook, website)/who gave it to you
🔹Yield: how many servings or how much it makes
🔹Ingredient list
🔹Method

😳Poorly-written recipe:

View fullsize

What's wrong with this recipe?
1. All words in the title are not capitalized.
2. There is no source sited.
3. The servings are not specified.
4. The ingredients are not listed in the order called for in the method.
5. The size of cherry pie filling is listed as large rather than in ounces.
6. The type of cake mix is not specified.
7. Pineapple as an ingredient is capitalized.
8. The type of pineapple is not specified (crushed, tidbits, fresh, canned?).
9. No detail is given as to whether the pineapple should be drained or undrained.
10. Pecans are never listed in the ingredient list.
11. Margarine is referred to in sticks rather than cups.
12. The word "of" is used in the ingredient list.
13. The first instruction should be to grease the pan.
14. The word "sprayed" is used rather than "greased".
15. The pan is referred to as large rather than a specific size given.
16. Pecans is misspelled in the method.
17. There is no instruction for how to layer the margarine (sliced, melted?).
18. No oven temperature is given.

😀Well-written recipe:

View fullsize

If you cook, recipes become one of the most used items in your home. A well-loved recipe can be a means of nourishing your family many times over and it becomes even more valuable as it brings back memories of home. I will post more in the future about recipes because something that important deserves some extra consideration.

Budgeting Basics

I have learned a lot about budgeting over the years.  Some of it was learned from the example of my parents and some was taught to me formally in college, but a lot of it was learned by experience as I tried to put those learned principles into action.  After learning lessons from experiences of failure and success, I now have a system that works very well for our family and I would love to teach you what I have learned, but before we can get down to the details, we need to lay a groundwork of the principles of budgeting.

The same principles work for time management that work for money management.  It is all about how we manage our finite resources.  Whether you have plenty or little, the principles stay the same, and, in both cases, require self-control.

Because you are alive now does not mean you have plenty of time left and because you have money now does not mean something will not come along to take it away.  The best we can do is to do the best we can with what we know that we have right now.  We have all seen how millionaires can go bankrupt by poorly managing their money and how paupers have all they need through wisely managing what little they have.  Whether it is time or money, it all belongs to God.  We are simply stewards (managers) of the amount of time and money He entrusts to us. 

We truly should go to the ant for management wisdom.

Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise: Which having no guide, overseer, or ruler, Provideth her meat in the summer, and gathereth her food in the harvest. ~Proverbs 6:6-8

The ant prepares ahead for the needs she will have later.  She doesn't need someone telling her what to do.  She is "her own mother".  She seizes opportunities and works hard. She is focused on her task because she knows how very important it is.  She helps herself and doesn't rely on others to meet her needs.

Some people are managers by profession.  They have work responsibilities and people working under them that call on their managerial skills.  However, every person is a manager.  You manage your sleep, wardrobe, grooming, relationships, diet, and many other elements of your life.  Whether you are a good or a bad manager of those things tells the story of your character.

Money management has a huge effect on our lives and the lives of those around us.  It is important to gain good money management skills and parents should be sure to teach them to their children. Good money management can be a great blessing in provision, being prepared, blessing others, and peace of mind.  Poor money management can be the cause of much sorrow and strife.  Besides these repercussions, our goal should be to hear our "Well done" from our Lord as to how we managed what He entrusted to us, because it's not about the money; it's about how we reflect God's character back to Him.

I would like to focus on two principles in this post which go hand in hand:  reality and commitment.

Reality

To budget well, you need a good dose of reality.  I would venture to say that we all wish we had more money than we have.  We have an ideal lifestyle in our heads of how we think we ought to live.  However, our income does not always support that ideal lifestyle and I'm pretty sure the ideal moves beyond our reach as we go.  

Some personalities have more trouble than others coming to grips with reality. Some want others to think of them as Big Daddy and want to pay the check and give very nice gifts, and some just have generous hearts and want to give more than they have to give.  Either type can get into real financial trouble very quickly.  

We must realize (there's that REAL word again) that our spending must be kept in proportion to our income. You can budget only what you actually have, not what you wish you had or might one day have.  Keeping income and expense at a right ratio or proportion is the key to staying within your means.  This is like the plea of every altar call and every good counselor: to face the reality of what is really true right now.

Those who are not real about what they have to spend will eventually reach the end of their proverbial financial ropes. Unfortunately, it takes a lot longer to get out of financial trouble than it does to get into it.  You can spend a decade or more of your life just to get back up to level ground--where the income covers the REAL expenses without relying on a credit card. This emphasizes the importance of starting off in life with good money management skills. 

Financial desperation can tempt you to do things you would not typically do, like ask for money from friends or family (a sure way to destroy relationships), sell beloved or needed belongings, and even immoral acts of cheating and stealing.  We should consider it a very serious business to prevent ourselves from ever being in such dire straits.

My husband and I are givers. Our parents have always been examples of generosity and we caught the giving bug from them.  We have also gone through financial struggles, especially early in our marriage when we were just starting out, and feel blessed now that we have something to share, and we feel for those who are now going through what we went through then.  As Christians, we know these truths:

God is love.

Love gives.

God is in us.  

There's no way around it:  we are programmed to give.  It is right to give and good to give, but even with all this good will toward men, we have to be real about what we are free to give. Some would advocate giving when you do not know where it will come from. I believe God gives us common sense and tells us to count the cost. To leave your money decisions up to your emotions will get you into trouble.  God gave us brains for a reason. It is giving by faith to give at all, not knowing for sure that your income will continue or that your needs will increase. We consider how He would have us to give while trusting that He will take care of us in return. Giving should be part of budgeting. God moves on our hearts to know how to give the money we have budgeted for giving.  We have a family to support and the responsibility to use our money wisely.  We have to keep things proportional to our other obligations.

Even in giving gifts, we must be real.  Does it make sense to give a more expensive gift to a friend than to your dad? Can you go on giving a Christmas gift to all your siblings and their spouses and their children and their spouses and their children?  Do they all get a birthday gift, too? Do you expect gifts from your now-adult siblings or nieces and nephews who are just starting out in life? What about all those graduation invitations?  How do you decide who to give to and how much?  Check your logic by listing out those to whom you give in a year's time and how much. We should not be providing for others at the unnecessary expense of our own dependents. You will have to set your own parameters as things change over time so that your expenditures are not out of balance. 

This issue of reality comes into play over and over in budgeting.  Be sure the amount you plan to spend for a vacation is reasonable, considering all of the other expenses you must cover.  You may have the attitude that "someone who makes as much as I do should be able to buy a _______ if they want to."  The problem with this line of thought is that it would be true if you hadn't already decided how all that money would be spent.  If you have already committed to monthly payments and obligations, all your choices have already been made and there is no room in the budget for impulse buying. Thus, the connection between reality and commitment is made.

Commitment

The problem that comes from not being real about our finances is overcommitment.  We sign up for too much recurring expense (monthly bills) and are not left with enough money to cover our remaining expenses. This is a formula for taking on credit card debt.

When you say "yes" to one thing, you say "no" to something else. When the cashier asks me if I would like to round up my total to donate to a worthy cause, I have no problem telling her "no" because I know that we are already giving to causes that are in line with our beliefs.  Every cent given on a whim is a cent that I can no longer make a calculated decision for giving to causes in which I truly feel led to invest.  Saying "yes" to buying those doughnuts means saying "no" to paying for a friend's meal.  We need to consider what we are saying "yes" to so we can make conscious decisions. We have to come to terms with the fact that we cannot do it all. Every decision to spend is a CHOICE: a choice between this and that.  You can't have (keep) your dollar and spend it, too.  You have the privilege of spending it once. We simply have too many good choices.   

View fullsize

How tight do you want your budget to be?  If you budget it all for recurring bills, then you are not free to make spontaneous decisions.  You will have already made the decisions of how to spend your money and there will be none left.  

When committing to an expense, we also need to be real about how much money it will cost. Take a child being in a sport, for instance.  "May I play on the baseball team?" "Sure."  It's only an $80 fee and he would enjoy that.  Well, he also needs cleats ($75). He's got to have several pairs of  baseball pants ($60), a team hat ($5), meals for away games ($40), money for picture day ($20). We are up to $280 and that's without baseball socks, a new glove, admission fees for us to watch him play, and his own helmet and bat. I'm not complaining about the cost, but I am trying to illustrate that many endeavors have necessary costs that may not be evident up front. It takes experience or research (like asking another parent in this case) to know the full cost.  Be sure to take notes as you go so you will be armed with knowledge next time. You now see how a budget can be blown by things you have to pay for but have no idea of their extent. Expect things to cost more than you think.

I hope I have effectively alerted you to what your "yes" may mean. Making financial choices takes a lot of thought, prayer, and experience.  There are lots of good things to do with money but you will not be free to do those things if you are foolish with it. It is easy to make a foolish decision that will take you many years to overcome.  Bondage is a horrible way to live and we have some ability to choose our degree of bondage.  A lot of that has to do with self-control, but life shows us that self-control used presently will free us later to enjoy its ongoing benefits.

A Long Weekend in Charlotte, NC

My family recently went on a short vacation to Charlotte, NC.  We have taken different types of vacations over the years with the commonality of fitting it to our budget, interests, and ages. This one was certainly based on those qualifications. Hopefully you can gain some ideas by reading this travelogue. I'm sorry it is so long. Feel free to skim for the parts that grab your interest.

Our eldest child plans to spend the summer in New York so the four days that his spring break overlapped our other children's spring break turned out to be our only chance to do something as a family this year.  Even with that, he was going to spend two of those days in New York and needed to fly out of Charlotte, NC, so we decided to spend the weekend there.  Since our time was so short, we splurged a little to make things nice.  We decided to use part of our vacation money for a shopping spree so that we all had things to show for the weekend after it was over.  It would have been close to the amount we would have spent on inexpensive flights. That would have been fun but we met some clothing needs with that amount and had fun doing it.

We left home Friday morning and went straight to Concord Mills Mall in the northern part of Charlotte.  The natural division turned out to be the girls (my daughter Evy and me), the boys (my two sons Colton and Capers who are different shapes but wear the same size), and Dad (aka my husband Jeff).  We all had the same amount to spend and our budgeting and wardrobe skills were put to use. The three groups went our own ways and met at the food court for lunch.  We all arrived at slightly different times and ended up all choosing the same restaurant.  If we had known beforehand that the Japanese place had a punch card for a free meal after four punches, one of us could have eaten for free.  It worked fine anyway since I have learned that it doesn't take much to fill me up and the kids usually have leftover food.  I just took a little from a couple of them and was fine.

Something I have learned from being on previous vacations is that I have a hard time being hungry enough to eat when it is time to eat again.  This vacation we ate just two meals per day and it worked great.  By the time some sleep in, you have a later breakfast than usual and then you're not ready for lunch at lunchtime.  That puts you ready for a meal mid to late afternoon which also helps you beat the crowd.  You could have a snack in the afternoon and push dinner later or have the afternoon lupper and have the snack in the evening.  Vacation meals are usually bigger than  typical meals so you stay full longer and you aren't working off the food. The food was one of the most enjoyable parts of our trip so it was good that we set ourselves up to be hungry enough to enjoy it.  We spent about one-fifth of our money on food.  There are usually sweet treats you allow yourself to partake of on vacation, too, so the two-meal per day plan allows for that.

After lunch at the mall and sending our packages out to the van, we divided back up to shop for about three more hours before we met at the mall's movie theatre.  It was great to sit in comfortable chairs after doing all that walking.  We saw "Miracles From Heaven" and there were few if any dry eyes among us.  It was a great film that left us all thankful for our health, for each other, and for our faithful God.

Throughout the shopping experience, I was thrilled to see my children make decisions based on price, quality, and usefulness. Our eldest doesn't shop often but knew what he needed, shopped the mall for the best deals, and then went back to purchase his items at the winning stores.  He managed to get a lot for his money. Evy is hard core when it comes to spending money.  She knows what she needs and will not spend a lot for it. Capers is learning but was allowed to buy some fads since he is nearly fifteen and still growing.  I won't have to look at them long.  I let him wear the hula girl socks twice before I threw them away. No.

View fullsize

After a few more purchases, we checked into the Ballentyne Hotel on the south side of Charlotte.  It turned out to be a great choice and left me wanting to go back.  It is conveniently located just off 485 so we were in and out very quickly each time we went somewhere.  The whole area there is new and has plenty of nice shops, restaurants, and housing.  I loved the colorful art by Thomas Vieth of Charlotte venues including the Ballentyne Hotel.

One doesn't just get a hotel room for a family of five.  One must have two rooms.  Ca-ching ca-ching. Fortunately they were able to give us adjoining rooms which worked beautifully for our three-night stay.

We rested and freshened up a bit and then took off for the Cheesecake Factory at SouthPark Mall.  They said the wait was one and a half to two hours.  I doubted that and ended up being right.  It was fifty minutes.  We old people waited outside on their comfy sectionals while the kids explored the mall.  Walking in a mall didn't appeal to me at that moment for some reason.  It was getting on to nine o'clock by the time we were seated and I was beginning to turn into a pumpkin.  The food was very good but I think I filled up too much on strawberry lemonade and mashed potatoes to finish my delicious salmon.  Such a shame.  The combo of being full and tired made me not feel so well so I was ready to hit the hay.  The rest of the family ordered cheesecake to go and we headed back to the hotel. 

The next morning, we all headed to the hotel dining room for a wonderful breakfast.  Capers said that his pancakes were so good that he wanted to cry.  My Crab Cakes Benedict was out of this world also.  The decor in the dining room was mostly modern but definitely eclectic.  The moulding was spotlighted and so unusual. The floors were photo-worthy and will show up as a background on this blog one day no doubt.

View fullsize

We roamed around the hotel for photo-ops after breakfast. 

View fullsize

View fullsize

View fullsize

We then headed downtown to roam around there.  I'm not much for roaming so I was working hard to be a team player.  We did go straight to the Levine Museum of the New South which I had researched so I was fine with that. It was very interesting with lots of hands-on exhibits.  It depicted the changes that have taken place in the South since the Civil War.  I take my history with a grain of salt so I was a little skeptical but I think they tried to be truthful.  I hesitate to believe that all of the facts have been preserved without a slant or that things were as wide-spread as whatever was documented.  I also know that the public is not privy to all the confidential information that leaders have when forced to make decisions. There were many issues represented and they prompted opportunities for discussion within our family. That is as close to political as you will ever see me get. I do not enjoy conflict, especially handled wrongly.

View fullsize

We ducked in for some beverages at the 7th Street Public Market which was at the north end of the line for the LYNX train. It was a large open room that housed several counters from different businesses.  There were also aisles of groceries.  This was a neat place.  Most of us ordered hot drinks and managed to find a table big enough in the back corner.  All of the drinks were very good but my hot tea press was the envy of all.  I had Turmeric Ginger hot tea and it was perfect on that chilly, rainy day.

View fullsize

The kids wanted to ride the train so we bought tickets and rode all the way to the other end of Charlotte and back.  It was a neat way to see the city. 

View fullsize

Then the wanderlust continued but it was thankfully short-lived.  "Just wandering around to see what we find" ended up being finding a bathroom and our van.  After a quick refresh at the hotel, we went just five minutes down the road to Midwood Smokehouse.  This turned out to be everyone's favorite meal of the trip.  We walked around in the nearby shopping area while we waited for our table. It was worth the wait.  The barbecue was excellent and the sides were, too.  I recommend the baked beans.  They were the most flavorful I have ever had.  Capers ordered ribs and said that all the meat came off each rib with the first bite.  Needless to say, we will be back first chance.

View fullsize

Back at the hotel, the two younger kids took a dip in the indoor pool while my husband and I chatted with Colton.  He was headed out to NYC the next morning for a quick two-day trip to finish up his spring break.  He got there just in time to practice thirty minutes and then play for the church service at New York Gospel Mission where he interned last summer.  Then he was off to two Broadway plays.  He spent the night with a gracious friend and then auditioned Broadway performers with his dean for his senior Theatre Arts project coming up in November.

The rest of us got up Sunday morning and went down for another beautiful breakfast in the hotel restaurant.  I had the pancakes this time and Capers was right: excellence with honey butter on top. We headed off to Matthews, NC, nearby for the Easter service at Bible Baptist Church.  We saw several people we knew and enjoyed the service very much.

We were so full from that big, late breakfast that we had no interest in lunch.  We went to the Mint Museum only to find an empty parking lot and a sign that said they were closed on major holidays. We used the beautiful lawn for some family pictures and then went back to the hotel.  We lounged in our hotel rooms for the afternoon and then headed out to a restaurant called 131 Main.  Here we introduced our children to prime rib.  It was served with a gentle horseradish sauce that was just perfect.  Evy and I also had the clam chowder.  That turned out to be one of my food favorites from the trip.  We laughed a lot at that meal, partly at the kids making up lame jokes and partly at the fact that it seemed that a different person came to our table for every different thing.  They must have a huge wait staff.  One seated us, one got our drink order, one brought the drinks, one took our order, another brought the appetizers, and on and on.  We added a brownie a la mode at the end and we paid more for that meal than any other of the weekend and there were only four of us instead of five.  It was very good and I'd go back just for the clam chowder. It would also be nice to sit around the fire pit on a non-rainy day.

View fullsize

Obviously tired of coming up with poses. "Capers, put your knee up."

Jeff and Evy went out for a date after dropping Capers and me off at the hotel.  I watched some HGTV while Capers enjoyed the gym (as he did each day we were there) and flirted with the spa staff. He and Evy were back in the pool before bed.

Monday morning we ordered room service for breakfast.  It was nice to eat in the room and be able to sample many different things.  The grits were so creamy.  I must learn how.  This is another benefit of vacationing in the South.  After I ate, I took off to my favorite store, the Talbots Outlet.  There is a new outlet mall on the west side of town.  I had spent only one-third of my spree money on Friday so I was prepared to finish my task. If you want to know my style, it is Talbots.  100%.  I didn't know until I got back and did some math that I managed to spend the exact amount to the dollar I had remaining without even knowing what it was. I went back to the hotel, and we packed up and headed out to enjoy our last, and only beautiful day, in Charlotte.

View fullsize

For the afternoon, we went to the Carolinas Aviation Museum at the airport.  They have quite a few old planes.  You can sit in one of them and have a conversation with a very knowledgeable tour guide.  The centerpiece of the museum is the plane that landed in the Hudson River in 2009 as it left New York City headed for Charlotte, NC.  The plane is sitting right there in the indoor museum with artifacts, pictures, and narrative all around it.  The NYC skyline is projected onto the wall and there are waves projected onto the floor. Very nicely done.  They have an area to watch the short documentary movie "Miracle on the Hudson" so we sat and watched it.  Just what a mother wants to see just a few hours before her son leaves NYC for Charlotte. I found it interesting that the movie is called "Miracle on the Hudson" but one place on the narrative said that it wasn't a miracle at all but the genius of the pilots and a bit of luck.  The pilots were smart and experienced but they needed more than luck for everything to happen as it did. Some people just won't give God the credit He deserves.

View fullsize

Before leaving town, we went to a restaurant called Mac's Speed Shop.  We had been here once before and enjoyed it very much.  They have barbecue and sides plus burgers and other things.  It has a bike shop decor.  The music was not my cup of tea and I don't think I would like the atmosphere it probably has at night, but it was good each time we have gone.  The menu said that there are three NC locations and one in Greenville, SC.

View fullsize

Southern Loop Burger and Creamed Corn 

We arrived safely at home at a decent hour and our son flew into Charlotte and drove safely to school that night.  A four-day vacation was long enough without being too long.  It wasn't a tropical island, a trip to Europe, or a week on the slopes, but we had a fun time doing things we enjoy without spending a lot of time traveling.  Best of all, we showed our family that spending time together is a priority.

We never felt rushed or like we were not cramming enough in.  Our goal was to be together and do things at a relaxed pace.  We hate coming home from a vacation tired so we have come to accept that we will not be able to do and see all that is there.  We did and saw plenty but never got worked up about it.

You can know that I have added to my must see, must eat, must stay list for Charlotte.  I did not manage to take afternoon tea at the hotel this trip, nor did I visit the spa.  But if the opportunity arises, I know where to go.

View fullsize

Now, back to reality, which isn't half bad either.